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Gillian Sundrip DollShe's just a little thing at 14 inches but she's got big brown eyes full of hope and a sweet little smile.

I let her eyes, smile and hair do all the talking for this doll. Her hair is really long and soft. Her lips are soft and pink and turned up just a little bit. She looks up to the sky in hope and wonder...and she finds it.

Her name is Gillian and she's currently in my Etsy shop waiting for her new home. You may also use PayPal, which ever is most convenient for you.

As you can see in the last photo in the gallery, I couldn't help myself. I had to hug her a little bit.... just a small snuggle.

Faith Austin

Broken Faces A lot of tea sipping, a lot of sleep, that's what's been going on over here.

Anxiety is very high as are my pain levels. I've got an open sore on my leg that hasn't healed in three weeks times so I have to get more treatment for it. That doesn't worry me though maybe it should. It's just that I've not been given any kind of off colored diagnosis so I'm like, it is what it is. I have Lupus, I don't heal well. It takes weeks to heal a simple wound. It would be nice if it didn't hurt so much but like I said, at this point it's just taking its own sweet time healing and hasn't morphed into something else. ...continue reading "Cuppa. Sleep. Work. I’m Better."

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I read to him the entry I wrote about being angry with him. I then assured him I will not lie to him about feeling suicidal or depressed. I need to trust him and he needs to trust me.

I cried from open to close of the session. It's been a hard day physically and emotionally. I had to take pain medication because of spasms in my legs and stomach. I tried to manage as long as I could without pain meds but after a bit it's reasonable to take a dose to ease things up. I also took some of my Passion Flower tincture to help ease anxiety associated with pain. I'm surprised I was able to stay awake for the session. ...continue reading "Therapy review: What I need to hear"

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Depression is a liarMy hormonal depression drags me around like a mop head picking up dirty and left over grime. I can't get off the floor.

Depression is a liar. Depression tells me that people who care don't love me at all. It tells me I hate them for letting me down when in fact they really haven't. I'm angry with people who love me and its fueled by depression. It's a lie that it won't matter if I'm dead, or it'll be a relief because they can get on with their own problems instead of dealing with me all the time.  ...continue reading "Depression is a liar"

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When I talked to Dr. D he asked how I did with him gone. I didn't want him to think I cared or needed him so I told him I did just fine. I told him I needed the vacation time too, which is true. I didn't want him to go for two weeks. The timing felt bad. I felt like I was in the middle of a medical crisis and really needed my therapist. He has this confidence that my friends will support me. My friends are confident my therapist will support me. I don't feel too supported with the depression and such lately. Someone else will do it, that seems to be the standard.

...continue reading "First session after vacation. Angry with the therapist."

The Three - My Face My ArtWow. I can't seem to wake up. I just sleep and sleep. At least its quality sleep though. I'm not having nightmares. I don't know what the issue is but man I can't wake up.

I have a little more motivation which was needed. I wasn't getting much done. The depression saw to it that every task from making a sandwich to changing my clothes seem a monumental task. There was no motivation to do anything. The depression was sneaking up on me again and can be felt still but not to the same level. I'd say I went from an 8 depression to a 6 depression. My personal level six depression is still motivation starved but I'm able to function better. I don't function at a level 8 depression. ...continue reading "Sleep. Suicidal Relief. Perimenopause."

I've slept most of this day. I just couldn't wake up. The time awake hasn't been pleasant. I feel depressed about finances, worried a bit.....a lot. I think that's my anxiety right now, finances. I'm trying not to worry, trying not to let it fill my head but it does.

Tomorrow I'm going to pick up some stuffing so I can finish up some dolls I've been sewing. A couple are for sale, a couple are for donation. I was thinking, since art is slow going right now, maybe I should focus on dolls more. There's currently one art doll in my Etsy shop.  ...continue reading "Worry and anxiety. Life as I know it."

2016 was bad, 2017 was worse and 2018 isn't looking that great either. Don't make me act like this is all going to be pretty 'cause it's not. However, no matter what the world does I will focus on my goals and remember who I am as a person. This is all I can do for the world. I can't fix your problems. I can't fix your governments or your wars. I can't fix your racial and religious divides, but I can focus on being the opposite of all I see wrong with the world. I will be different from what I see in the world.

In 2018 I will not accept the hateful news as my truth. I will not laugh at jokes that include hate speech or be so overwhelmed by the world's problems that I fall into apathy or complacency. I will be attentive. I will be active.  ...continue reading "Moving forward with ambivalence – I will be different."

It's cold,
dead cold
freezing my bones in place.
bones that aren't, squeak and squawk
at the audacious request to carry me.

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It's supposed to be bitter cold for the next 10 days. I just want the barometric pressure to stabilize, at least my pain would be tolerable. Right now my hands and knees are screaming.

This is year three that I've turned the heat on in the entire apartment instead of just using the heat settings in my room. I have baseboard heaters, not centralized heating with ventilation. These are like glorified space heaters for each room which is why the heating bill I just got is a whopping $107.00 for 650 sq feet. ...continue reading "Weather. Desensitization Therapy. Courage and Resilience."

Teach Her How to Grow If ever I needed to hear a mother's wise voice it's now. For many women, we don't have the option of calling mom to ask midlife questions. We end up spinning out here, losing our minds, not understanding that there's a logical explanation for what's going on.

I have laughed at older women and thought they were making too much of hot flashes and such but here I sit at the beginning of what can only be described at hell and I am not laughing. Who knew that perimenopause and menopause would make me feel crazy? ...continue reading "A Mother’s Knowledge – The Menopause Talk"

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