Boyah! Alive and kicking.
La, la la la la
Sing until your love is, love is
ALIVE and kicking.
Gracious! Gracious! I'm ok. I'll be ok.
There's some serious therapy to do, and for a long time in the hospital....
I panicked. I cried and called for my mother like a little girl. I held to the bed and said, don't do it! Total panic. I freaked out but then I got myself together. Friends here by my bed helped me gather myself......
Today I was accepted to a private, long-term hospital with specialized care, even more than I'm getting now. Surgeons and doctors have encouraged me to transfer bc the hospital opening is rare and a good fit for me. Private accommodations still stand. I'll transfer to that hospital in a few days but I return here, by ambulance, in a week, to get reports and follow up. After that one follow up I'll be w this new place full time.
I appreciate the amount and quality of private hospital care I'm getting. No chances are being taken by me. I'm also taking none of it for granted.
My face is puffy from tears of sorrow, relief, gratitude, fear. I'm emotionally spent, physically spent, but glad to be here.
La, la la la la
Sing until your love is, alive and kicking
Several doctors have teamed up to manage my hemaglobin nightmare. I've seen top physicians, stars in their field. One such star reminds me of the guy from the Verizon commercial.
When he came in he exuded confidence. I knew I was in good hands. I thought about how young he seems, about personal sacrifices he may have made, and was grateful for them. I thought about late nights studying, about conferences instead of home life and personal life. I thought of social and economic sacrifices he may have made just to be in a field he clearly loves. And to be at the helm of a cutting edge surgery done only a handful of times, ever.
My Verizon told me he understands there is a God at play and did not accept full credit for his work. Awesome he understands that. I hope he can hear, too, that he did a wonderful job. He really did, and he put me and my friends at ease. So when I saw him again, I knew I could go through with it, even though I was scared. ...continue reading "My Verizon"
I am not one who can handle a lot of physical stimulation. I didn't want to be touched. Movement and sound scare me. However, in a vulnerable state I have had to allow things to happen even if I didn't think I could handle it.
Since being at the hospital I've allowed people who resemble my abusers to give intimate care. I've allowed African American men and women to remove the gown, adjust my legs as needed then wipe my intimate parts in front and back. I have had full bed baths and depends changed or had procedures that required mostly nudity. I had to allow it.
From where I'm laying, I generally can't see the entire person, and I can't get up. I am vulnerable and require their clean intentions. Not a single inappropriate comment has taken place. They have been respectful and put me at ease.
At one point a Doctor was asked to wait 2 min while the Techs finished my gown because credentials don't buy rights to my dignity either. I appreciated him waiting.
I was terrified at first. Someone had their hands between my legs, spread them, and I had to allow it. I was angry. I didn't sleep a lot. But as the positive, safe experiences continued, confidence grew, with unexpected healing as a result.
I've been in the hospital since mid February, a month now . I've been part of something profound and I know it. I will talk about it in depth at another time. I'm not really able to blog through this right now but there is a lot to say concerning surgery one. Blogging while in the hospital bed is difficult.
Surgery 2 will happen Monday, and it is sobering. I keep looking at that sentence, not sure how to just say it. I've had time to get used to amputation but losing more is scarier. This will take place Monday.
Update. As of late 3/16/18 I've learned the name of the surgery Monday. It Is Transmetatarsal Amputation on the right side.
No matter what I go home with, I will not complain. I am pleased that they are working so hard to help me have a good quality of life after this.
I asked the doctors to return me to my family and friends and that is what they are doing, with compassion and more.
I'm not out of the woods after surgery. I've got ugly health problems that need close monitoring.
It's time for breakfast. Buscuits and gravy sit on my hot plate.
So, against odds, I am still here.
I send you smiles.
I'm writing to you 12 days long in the ICU in an Indianapolis hospital. As you know I've had a pulmonary embolism, not my first. My body is full of blood clots and I'm not doing well. If I survive the blood clots I am at risk of losing toes. I've seen them, black, full of blisters. There are blisters up to my ankles that are about 4 inches tall and full of fluid. Breathing is difficult, energy ends quickly. I've got hematoma on my stomach and have gained 70 lbs in water weight. The kidneys aren't good.
I need to tell you that I've got a very long, long fight ahead. This is the step of Lupus that is scary. I get better or I quickly go down hill. I need to tell you that Sundrip will close its blogging doors come Monday, indefinitely. This will give people time to see the closed letter on the site.
I thought I would need to completely close my Etsy shop but I had a local volunteer who can revamp and take over for a while.
I have enjoyed my time online, almost 20 years! I am thrilled to have gotten to know so many artists and writers. Thank you for your work and words. Please, live free. Create well!
You can at times find updates on FB by logging in and searching for Faith Austin, or send me your FB link through SundripJournals@gmail.com. I can still be contacted in these ways. On FB you'll see photos of Sir Clyde romping about as well as sarcastic updates from me. https://m.facebook.com/sundrip
Thank you for being part of my growth and life for the last 19 years.
Smiles to you and yours,
Hi, I am Faith's friend Julie. She asked me to let post that SUNDRIP: Art for Life has had a crisis and will be on hold for now. She is still in 11 days ICU with multiple blood clots and declining liver functioning. She will transition out of ICU 1Saccording to progress. The plan is for her to eventually go to a long-term hospital rehab facility to get the care needed. She may be emotionally ready to blog before moving to long term hospital care.
Most possessions are being thrown a way or stored as she will be unable to care for herself or Clyde. Art is being stored.
Clyde will be adopted by a friend and will be enrolled in a program that lets him visit several times a week.
Because of the high number of blood clots and the one that broke off in the lung, she is unable to care for daily life or run the Etsy shop. The shop will be temporarily closing until further notice. All sales currently in progress are valid. Eventually, blogging will be picked back up via tablet.
All contact information is still valid. SundripJournals@gmail.com
Thank you for your patience and understanding. More information will be provided in the near future.
In Hope and Healing,
I've been in ICU for 7 days now. Hard time. Pulmonary Embolism and active blood clots, plural, in both legs. Painful. Can't walk or feel a large portion of my legs. I'll be in the hospital for a bit over all.
Clyde is doing very well, much better than expected. He's not just stable but having fun. Awesome.
After another fall I had to go to the hospital. I was there most of the day. I've hurt my back and require in home care for a few days so tomorrow a friend will come to stay with me and Clyde.
There's degeneration where I hit which means I smacked an already damaged area. Man that hurt. Clyde was right beside me the whole time. I was in the house when I fell.
I was given 2 shots for pain but my body ate it up, didn't do much.
...continue reading "Hospital Visit"
I'm still sick but at least I'm up on an on the laptop. In a day or so I'll photograph the two new teddy bears made from soft, pink brushed suede. And after I've finished with this cold/ flu /dang disease, I'll finish the plastic bag holder doll I started.
I look forward to this winter being over! This stuff is getting very old. Clyde is bored out of his mind right now. We used to take a few walks a day, now we go out and get back in as soon as we can.
Sunday we had an ice storm. Despite the storm I still had to take out the dog. So I got up and took him out then promptly fell on my backside on the ice. Turns out I'm not an Olympic skater. I did a 9 point fall and landed half way in the bush and half way on the ground. It was ugly, really. I laugh now but at the time I wasn't laughing at all. My breathing has been difficult in the cold so when I fell I hadn't been breathing that well, and I fell very hard! It knocked the wind out of me, scared me. I sat there for a minute paying attention to my heart and feeling all over to make sure I was okay. I'm okay, less a little pride, but okay.
How I've missed my laptop. I can't type on my tablet. The problem with the laptop is that it keeps trying to update Windows 10 but it can't. My computer won't restart correctly or something and so it shuts down. I restart manually then the computer tells me the update didn't take and will uninstall. Once I log back in the update tries to install again. I've done this no less than 15 times. This simply will no restart correctly for the update.
Because this thing is going to eventually crash, I've taken the time to back up everything on flash drives. I've also got the recovery flash drive for the computer if that needs to be done sometime down the road. It's just the update isn't taking. I wish I knew how to deny the update.
I have a cold or something. I'm not feeling that great.
My laptop is down. I have a tablet but it doesn't let me write easily. I have to make too many corrections.
Michelle is doing most of therapy right now. Until the cold, she was drawing and writing to Dr D. Dr D suggested we remind her that we're safe and can speak to him about anything. She doesn't trust him but she does want him to do for her, what he did for Robert which is to hear the worst of her memories. She wants to unload and feel a measure of relief, too.
This month is difficult bc of an anniversary of my brother. I can only shake my head! I'm not as angry with him as I was and I no longer blame my mother for his suicide. I can't for the life of me remember why I blamed her.