I've been thinking about how much time I spend in bed, at the hospital, with my staff here at home and with a head full of thoughts concerning my health.
I've been thinking about the difficulties I have with filling orders.
I've been thinking that come April 1st when my Etsy shop is to re-open I may not be ready. There is so much to do. This month alone there was a diagnostic test then a biopsy scheduled for next Friday. The following Friday I go in to see a pain specialist for ruptured disks in my back as well as bone spurs on my tailbone.
Depression fills in the gaps when I'm not being poked, prodded, or smashed in some machine.
I understand that a person's outlook on their situation plays a great part in their ability to deal with the hardship. In addition to medical staff here in my home, I have plenty of friends who visit on a regular basis. I have support for my daily needs including emotional and spiritual needs. I have not been left.
When I think about it, I suppose it's okay that it may be longer than April 1st before I'm able to start selling again. What I've sold in the last 3 months I've spent wisely. I won't have a lot of monetary needs. I can't think of what I could possibly need that isn't already here.
I need to tell myself that its okay to stop and heal, to work with the finances I've got on hand and work on my physical healing. It feels like an ending when really its just ...to be concluded.
April 1st may come and go but no matter, I am still an artist. I will paint. I will sculpt and maybe even sew. I have a feeling the pieces to come will be footprints of where I've been.
See ya on the artsy side