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What if I’m fat, ugly and stupid? Pt1

Snow and I talked a little about my therapy session on emotional abuse of self. The woman I see as elegant talks down to herself. Her husband So-and-so is quick to say, "Would you stop abusing my wife!"

I know self abuse is as common as other types of abuse. I personally feel self abuse is worse for me because I know which buttons to push and where to strike for the most painful, spirit slashing affect. When my head is spinning with personal insults I don't think to myself, be extra mean, push your own buttons, leave a nasty emotional bruse. I don't think ahead, I just do it, and well.

I wonder if abusing myself emotionally makes me more sensitive to the words of others? If I've already bruised myself by hitting where it really lands heavily, then have I also left myself more vulnerable to mistakes in wording by others?

I didn't tell Snow I think she's elegant. I didn't say it because the timing wasn't right. The honest words would have lost their meaning as they passed through one ear and exited the other. It appears she has the same skill I have, the ability to dismantle a compliment in 2 seconds flat.

Jordan

Published on Categories Abuse, Anxiety, PTSD, The People Behind My Eyes

About Faith

SUNDRIP – Art for Life is a site that expresses in every media possible an intimate look into the life of a person living with major trauma. The issues addressed in art and writing include Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lupus and CRSD. Despite these issues, I intend to move forward, through and out with honor, grace and creativity.

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