I feel as if my home is a beautiful prison with great ambiance, great food and excellent, choice teas.
The stairs outside in the hallway are armed guards. One mistep and the guards fire at will.
I sometimes manager pain better than other times. My mood makes these times different. The season makes a difference, my body temperature makes a difference. Life experiences, nightmares, anxiety all contribute to how aware I am of the pain.
When I stand outside for just a few minutes and breathe fresh air it's a special moment. It's as if nature blowns off ash, suet, and decay that has caked on me while under maximum security guard.
I just breathe.
The decision to move has in fact been made. This is my last year here. All I pray for is a safe apartment, good natural light and wheelchair accessible. I will not ask for a small patio or small front yard, but good natural lighting is a must.
My prayer is to find affordable housing that goes according to my income. This means I will not need to sell something every month just to keep my lights on.
The last year here will be difficult. Starting next month I'm paying $515 in rent of my $740. What I pay now often means the basics are in short supply or missing all together. The only reason I have good food and I'm able to purchase roots, dried fruits and loose leaf teas for medicinal purposes is that I can use food stamps to do it.
It's been more than 3 years that I began to seriously use Non-traditional methods like light yoga, tea and oils that I make myself. I'm pretty good at making the oils now.
I look forward to finding a new home. I hope this time I can remain there for many years to come.