if i desire to wear a headdress, I wear it. if i desire to include an african scarf to my clothing then i do it. it's partly rebellion due to her profound ignorance and partly the need to be me, freely. i won't wear a headdress and carry a black backpack and my black upper body vest (TLSO brace). i might as well wear a target on my back as to do that. however, when i go to appointments or services i dress as the person i am inside and i do not hold her back anymore.
i'm congolese by heritage, boho by choice. actually, it's congolese and german. my maternal grandmother is half german, my maternal grandfather is from congo. i don't speak french or any of the african area dialects. my german is decent, it's not used much anymore. ....anyway.......
i need to carry my backpack because it has medical stuff in it but i'm going to have to get a different color. i walked into the doctor's office casual boho with a basic headdress bun in the back. i had my backpack and my neck traction machine, also in a black pack. i was feeling watched. lol. i'll get back to this in a second.
the world is a place with a lot of fear and a whole lot of ignorance. this time the ignorance seems to have given me the push i needed to say, forget it, headdresses are in, earrings are in, stack bracelets, long skirts, flowing blouses and clogs are in. be ignorant. i'm going to be me...safely. gotta get a different color backpack.
at the doctor's office there was a teenager, probably a freshman. he kept looking at me but wanted to hide the interest. the thing is, he had an intriguing look. he was very interested in his appearance which was clear by the way he wore his clothes and the way he walked. i tried not to stare, he tried not to stare. had we been in a different setting i would have asked for a second of his time.
when you see me, what goes through your head? what are you thinking?
when i see you this way i have questions myself. can i ask them?
it would have been nice to toss out social rules and just ask a complete stranger what it is that has caught their eye and won't let it go. he left the house dressed as himself and so did i. the way he held himself, what he was wearing caught my attention.
there are tons of reasons for why people stare at each other, and it's not always a matter of division and hatred. as humans we may exude those traits, but its not all we're made of.