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a hair’s breadth away

You are older, but your strong personality hasn't changed. Always loud, heavy handed, big gigantic grin while singing praises. I looked at you with disgust. Even while drunk on the religion of the week, you still found time to harm in ways that can not heal without years of help. You are disgusting.

The 31st is the memorial. She said she wants a big hug. Uh, I don't think so. Don't ever touch me! You make my skin crawl.

We talked for an hour. She kept saying that I'd been on her heart for weeks now and that God moved me to call. Well, as I understand it, God is the source of all good gifts. That being the case, he wouldn't have sent you someone who is a hair's breadth away from hating you.

Turmoil is your name. Your being is as rotten as cow intestines laying in the heat of the day. The huge toothy smile is nothing more than obsession and addiction. Moderation is not in your vocabulary. I detest you. I detest you for abandoning your children so that my mother felt she had to go to your home and feed them, keep them company. By the way, I can't stand your kids.

In a strange twist of the conversation, we talked about how many gay people there are in the immediate and extended family. Even though it was explained that it's wiring, she insisted it's a choice. I didn't argue the point. I explained that I abandoned that lifestyle. I have no connection to that life anymore. That was a conscious choice.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry you are judgemental swine. I'm sorry you can still suck the air out of my lungs with a word. Most of all, I'm sorry it's not you we're putting in the ground.

I'm a hair's breadth away from hating you.

What you did to your children as I watched was beyond cruel. You maximized physical violence in front of the family. You let everyone see you could beat a child with ferocious lust.

I don't care to know you.

Robert

Published on Categories PTSD, The People Behind My EyesTags

About Faith

SUNDRIP – Art for Life is a site that expresses in every media possible an intimate look into the life of a person living with major trauma. The issues addressed in art and writing include Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lupus and CRSD. Despite these issues, I intend to move forward, through and out with honor, grace and creativity.

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