Ever walked around with a chip on your shoulder but didn't realize it was there until someone knocked it off. Well, that happened recently....yesterday.
I left an art group on FB because it didn't seem as though my art style fit the theme of the group. Well, after I left a comment came in during the discussion of an artist's controversial art work. During that conversation the artist took a shot at surrealism saying that unskilled artists hide behind surrealism. I was so not having it. He gave me a reason to vent. I spilled some anger, and then came a different line of reasoning.
Here's how Faith behaving badly played out.
I actually left the group and then applied again for the sole purpose of addressing the issue of surrealism as a legitimate art form. You Mr. XYZ can't honestly say that lack of skill is hidden behind surrealism. If you decide that is truth then I must point out that counterfeiting, even bad counterfeiting, is considered art. Con-artist. Dear Sir, I would have remained silent, would have stayed off the group had your ego not gone above the price of your artwork. If your ability to capture realism is so great, please paint the real disgust I have for anyone who dare knock the art of others because they don't meet his standards.
"A mild word turns away rage." says an old Proverb
That's how you make Faith Austin shut up, sit up, and take notice that she is spilling anger. Yes, what was said was offensive but I could have very easily let it go.... but see, I'm mad about several things. I'm pissed beyond words, and grieving. I have a chip on my shoulder I didn't realize was there, until it got knocked off.
I think I might need to check myself. Other people have problems too.
Yesterday was a bad day on Etsy. A team leader dropped a Dear John letter to the group telling us how much she loved us but she was shutting the team down in a few days. Those of us not caught up in the gossip or bickering were totally caught off guard. How did I feel? Abandoned. No explanation was given for why this group, a group I was invested in, was going to be closed. We just got a Dear John letter (I love you but I have to leave) and that was it. I wrote and asked for more an explanation. Why? I pressed and got myself kicked off the group. I knew very well if I asked the type of questions I asked that I'd be removed, but sometimes the hard questions need to be asked and people need to speak even when they know the response will be hard to hear.
So on top of my already bruised self I read my art isn't real art and got kicked off an Etsy team because I asked for an explanation for shutting the group down....... I handled one situation better than the other.
I will not get communication skills and emotional control down perfectly, but I want to do better about when and how I use my voice. I want to sit and think things out before I act not write a blog entry after a misstep. It was necessary to speak up on Etsy. It was unnecessary on Facebook.
Both situations tell me just how raw I am right now. Yes, I'm going through a lot of crap. Yes I'm grieving, yes my body hurts, all that stuff, but I still want to be more than my emotions.
When it comes right down to it, the guy on Facebook touched a major nerve. My response wasn't just about him. I was about me not being good enough at all. Not good enough for my mother, my sister, Betty, my artwork, on and on....not good enough. I mean he hit a big nerve on that one.
One day I'll learn to better pick my fights. I'll better use the strength of walking away. I do have that choice. I also have the choice to use the words, "I'm sorry."
it's me, Jordan