I'm sure I'll update the blog after therapy but I've want to tell myself something.
I need you, Faith, to put your hands back on the steering wheel and keep your eyes on the road. Monday's physical therapy was horrible and that so-called night of sleep was even worse. You've not eaten since Monday, you're tired and your brain is very close to overload. I need you to put your hands back on the wheel and keep your eyes on the road. Find the closest rest stop and recharge.
A long time ago you said that there were no choices as a child or living with your mother. She owned the street and she made sure it was a dead end where you crashed head first. You aren't on that street anymore. You got out of her vehicle and into your own, don't forget how far you've gone from that place. Yeah, you want your sister, yeah, she's upset that you 'left her behind' so to speak, but Faith, you did it for a reason. You weren't a wild youth out to do your own thing. You were a person just trying to survive. Now survival isn't enough. Your goal is to live.
Faith, you gain nothing taking punches from a girl who doesn't care if you live or die. Her attitude about your illness was cold and cruel. Her refusal to use your name when you brought it up several times, cold and cruel. There's no reason to keep driving past the old, hoping the dilapidated house has miraculously been restored. I'm using a lot of symbolism here but really, what you want and what reality is do not come together at all, they don't. Here is what I need you to do. I need you to act with knowledge and reason and let your emotions catch up later. That's what I need you to do. You paint fantasy, you don't live it.
Start again taking steps made with care and keep making them. Don't screw yourself or sabotage by trying to talk to Betty about this. I mean seriously! The only reason you'd do that is so she can tell you how terrible you are for not giving your sister a chance. You'd only tell her so that so she can inflict hurt. It's like cutting biproxy...lol...come on now, you're past that. You can see it, you know the result, don't do it. You have several local people to talk to, just not Betty. You know better.
So, I'm asking you to do your therapy session later this evening. Do not read or respond to anything else from your sister. What you got was a shock, a total shock. I don't think anyone can blame you for responding the way you did, but you've slept now and you slept pretty well and your head is a little clearer. You've got to get your head put on straighter though, and focus on your goals. There are things you've got to finish by the end of the month. Before physical therapy, before psychotherapy you have a vow you need to fill before the end of the month. You made the vow, you wanted badly to do this, and you can, if you take back the road.
What are you going to eat..anything but pizza. Why? I like pizza. Okay, ... I've got some chicken.......oh, yeah, one of my favorite combinations. I've got some chicken breast, ricotta cheese, portobello mushrooms, fresh spinach and those crazy big sea shell looking things. Hmm..I've got some Florentine sauce, too. Okay, I'm skipping the shells. I'll throw that stuff on some boiled ravioli and let it go! Oh, you can layer it and make a lasagna. That's a cheep meal that sounds expensive. You don't need to justify what you eat either, Faith. You were born to be a Chef, it's in your blood. Do what you do.........
written 3:26 pm EST