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DID Inside, a short film

Other than the fact that the character in the film killed someone, this is the closest visual I've seen of the disorder Dissociative Identity Disorder aka Multiple Personality Disorder. Several years ago I brought this in to my therapist to see. He felt also that it's very, very close to the disorder.

Look at how each person behaves and ask yourself, how much of this has shown up on this blog? Everything from the little girl to the paranoia to the anger and fear. There's embarrassment for the chaos and a strong anxious force that drives us. This shows my experience very well .... except for the fact that he's in the hospital because he killed someone.

THIS WILL BE HARD TO WATCH

DON'T WATCH THE VIDEOS AFTER THIS ONE

I have no idea what videos will come on after this one. I don't know if it'll stick to my playlist or go off track and show something crazy. The above video is from my YouTube playlist Outstanding Voices. For the longest time this video was off the web but it's back up. Watch it while you can.

I've tried to describe DID as being that guy from Quantum Leap who jumps into people's lives and has to act like he knows what he's doing. He's got to acclimate himself to a new environment, new people and do so without giving a hint that he just got there. That's the best way I can describe how it feels to have Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Of course not everyone will have alters that are exactly like this but it's the closest I've ever seen. Criminal Minds had an episode once with a guy that had DID. They did it so well and so close to life that I didn't pick up on it until they dropped that twist. The man had unexplained headaches, missed time, couldn't explain his actions, on and on until finally they dropped that twist. I appreciate it when people show this disorder as it is. I assure you its not sensational. I also want you to know that we aren't any more dangerous than the rest of society.

Some don't have as many personalities as others. Some have more inside cooperation so that not everyone is talking at the same time. Some can control the disorder better because they've had more therapy. There's no cookie cutter multiple out there. Some function in public or at home better than others. We aren't all disabled. What I mean is, not every person with multiple personality disorder is in the same healing space. Some may be in a good enough space to hold a high anxiety job. Having DID doesn't exclude you from being a good parent, sister, grandmother, friend. Also, it's not as rare as you might think.

Most of us aren't willing to tell others about the diagnosis but we will blog about it. The vast majority of my friends know there's something not quite right about my behavior but they don't know I have DID. Like many survivors, it's somehow easier to write a blog than it is to tell our loved ones. Most of us aren't willing to have ourselves taped and plastered up on YouTube while switching personalities. The vulnerability is too great and we don't want to risk it.

Jordan

2 thoughts on “DID Inside, a short film

  1. Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC

    Very enlightening film, thank you for sharing it. Although I work only with Executive Functioning challenges, since I work in a brain-based manner I stay alert to Mental Illness in any form -- so thanks for liking one of my posts so I could eventually find my way here.

    I have worked with a couple of people who have describe "different identity states," still on the integrated continuum, but I have known only one "multiple" in my life (personally not professionally). "They" chose to live [successfully] as a Family (rather than integrate), so her descriptions are quite different from yours - as you aptly point out here. Despite being of different ages ages, and skill levels, "they" hold regular family meetings where "everyone" has a voice, but action assignments are taken on only by the personality with the best skills fit. "The kids aren't allowed to shop" was the comment that really brought it home for me.

    There are several artists in the Family - and they each have been called to express in different forms, which other alters seem to lack completely: a singer, a poet, a painter, etc. - all excel, btw. There is also one who is very linear and excels at business matters, and another with exceptional public speaking skills (so other people assume she is the dominant. although my friend insists that is not really the case). Several in the family are male, and of different ages. Oddly to me, given how well they do in other forms of expression, none seem to have writing talent or any call to develop it.

    I am aware that many therapists doubt the existance, or try to enfold DID [MPD] into the same [anxiety/trauma] category with those who are challenged by depersonalization and derealization - but I'll bet you'd have more than a few things to say to open the eyes of those therapists, huh? I have a close friend with the latter disorders, and she has always seemed fully integrated into one identity (which she confirms), even though she sometimes struggles to believe that even that identity is real. In many ways, despite an ongoing battle with anxiety, she functions better than I do, however.

    Courageous of you to post items of this sort - for a number of reasons. I'm sure I'm not the only one who appreciates an inside glimpse. Your art and art/therapy dolls are amazing, btw, and I imagine that it is personally healing to spend time creating them, especially when you know that you are helping the healing of others.
    xx,
    mgh

    edited for links

    Reply
  2. Faith

    If you look the statistics that show the number of children abused early on, the number of children who survive genocide, war and sex trafficking then we can conclude that the number of persons living with multiple personality disorder and other dissociative disorders is globally significant. There are quite a few psychologists and psychiatrists who recognize the validity of this disorder. For those who do not, they should get into veterinary care.

    Even for those who believe in it, it can be difficult at times to find a psychologist who understands it and can treat it. I don't think a person has to have a great amount of experience with it to help the person. I think if they have a good number of years under their belt then they might be okay taking on a patient with DID. When I started working with Dr D I told him I don't need a therapist to work with the DID, I need someone to help with PTSD issues because those issues would be the ones I felt would directly affect how I live from day to day. I thought if I worked on the PTSD stuff I would dissociate less.

    My first integration was 2012. I have always said its what I want but it didn't seem like anything I could ever reach. As I've moved forward with this I have a better understanding of what to expect. I know many multiples that get angry at the thought of integrating. It's as sensitive of a topic as forgiveness is for any survivor. If you want to clear a room full of multiples just start talking about integration.

    I started the blog The People Behind My Eyes in 2000 over on AOL so my care team at the time could check in. I also needed one place to have notes and to write so as to keep up with myselves. lol. Once I got further into the art area I added Sundrip to the mix. Once my health became a real issues I combined TPBME to Sundrip. My web master is a multiple. I've known several multiples in person through out my life and dated one for 9 years. Going to the Dr. Collin Ross program in Michigan put me in contact with even more multiples.

    Several of us do art work. A dominant male is currently working on his issues which has changed the style of our art to a 'darker' look. A younger alter used to run our fish tanks but after her integration several years ago, our ability to keep them alive became less and less. I don't struggle anywhere close to the dissociative episodes of when I was first diagnosed but dissociation and switching personalities is still a problem. Other than withholding sleep, there hasn't been direct self harm for quite some time.

    I hope that people with mental health issues of any kind are able to find the way that helps them heal the most.

    Reply

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