I showed up at the vet's office a total and complete wreck, a wreck! First off, all this happened as I walked in the door from grocery shopping. I needed to sleep that off but I found my baby bleeding. Then I was holding my head looking at her and I started to panic. I thought, I have to come back home with this cat. I can't leave her there. I thought I was going to lose her. I wasn't sure of the extent of her injuries. What I did know is that a tooth was crooked, she was bleeding pretty badly, she started to snort kind of. I thought maybe her tongue got caught on one of her saber-tooth fangs and was torn. I mean, there was a lot of blood...blood all over my heart which happens to be in the form of a 15 lb furry cat. I was losing it. Finally I got myself together and the rest is what I wrote in part one of this. One fang down and antibiotics with a little cleaning up and I brought my girl home.
One last thing, a blogger asked about a mother's love. Today when I saw blood on my baby's mouth and paws my heart screamed. When I had to pick her up and look at her it meant pushing aside my emotions and doing what needed to be done. I examined her, knowing she was afraid. I kept talking to her. I was willing to pay the vet whatever it took to make her pain stop, to see her feeling better and to know I could take her home. My heart went through so many emotions, so many extremes.
This is 'just' a cat, imagine what a mother with a human child should feel when her baby is hurt. Imagine what she'd be willing to trade to take that hurt away. I know I didn't experience care and concern that amounted to more than theatrics, if that. But mother's show their love daily and in more ways than during emergencies.
I think as a survivor, the idea of a mother's love is based on what she'd do to keep me (any survivor) away from predators. But it goes beyond that. Hours after the situation, I'm still in mama bear. I'm aware of the temperature of Jane's food so she doesn't irritate that area. I want her to be warm and comfortable so she can get through the next few days more with as little stress as possible. This is mothering. Looking at the child, accessing the needs and filling them to the best of our ability. This blog talks about my mental health and my physical health but those disabilities do not change the fact that I know what it means to express love for a child / furry pet. At one point I needed to ask for help because my body and mind were spent. My mind was mush which made it difficult to communicate and to remember what had been done just a few minutes earlier. My friend Snow was a huge, huge help. Because I know my limitations I write a lot of stuff down that others may not, but it helps me stay organized and keep up with things. I can track what I've done or haven't done.
We do what we need to do for ourselves and for our families, that's just human nature.
A mother's love reaches beyond protecting her child from a predator. From all the survivors I know, the vast majority being parents, I have learned that being abused doesn't exclude a person from naturally showing that mama bear reaction to protect, love and comfort. If a person decides to grow that part of them, to pull it out of the wreckage, they go beyond human nature and be the mother or father who loves their child, fiercely.