I promised my doctors and myself that when I can't control the urge to end it (for whatever reason) that I will go to the hospital. For too long my pain levels have reached a 9 or 10. Yesterday evening the decision was made to go back to the hospital bc I can't get my pain levels to go down. I realized I'm in that desperate situation where I am not safe. I'm going to the hospital.... again...tomorrow morning. I hurt from head to toe and I'm exhausted. It just doesn't stop. I know where my thinking is and I need to keep myself safe. It has been a long standing agreement that if I feel too impulsive or suicidal to the point that I'm not safe then I will go in. Tomorrow I go back to the hospital. Going in is part of my care plan. A very close friend will drive me.
Janie and the frogs are being cared for. Therapy went really well with Dr. D yesterday. It was a good session.
I'm going to go back to sleep but I'll be up and ready for tomorrow morning.