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On Attitude and Using One’s Voice

I was somewhat angry and agitated about meeting with Dr Yes when it wasn't planned until the last minute. I feared abandonment with shaming. I also thought, I can go in there and talk to them calmly and see what can be done.

I got there. I put on my skirt and blouse, arranged my hair, got on the earrings, grabbed my shoulder bag and arrived on time. When I got there I was told it was a mistake, the automated machine called when it shouldn't have. They said, we do have your script though. I said, I really feel like I need to talk to Dr. Yes about the phone conversation. With four women in the room I said, do any of you know who I spoke to? Who was it that I spoke to extensively about the medication? All of them said it wasn't them. I said, I spoke to someone who was forceful and demeaning. One woman said, "You spoke to Robin." I said, okay. Still calm I explained that she questioned the script, told me I wasn't doing anything for myself and did I expect to take these pills for the rest of my life? I said to the woman at the desk. I'll have this illness for the rest of my life, but the point is, the way that woman spoke to me caused me to want to fire Dr. Yes because I thought that information was coming from him. She said, this isn't new, you need to speak to the office manager. I said, ok. The way I felt that day talking to her isn't the first time I hung up feeling horrible about myself.

Back in the manager's office I sent went through the entire store. The manager then said, "I've had enough of Robin, enough is enough." She explained that its not the first time and that the formal complaint will go in her personnel file. 

I added that I have been a patient of Dr. Yes for nearly 2 years and have left in tears all but about 5 times. I said, he acted like he didn't even want to be in the room with me. He was cold and clearly dismissive. She said, we are aware of that too. I said, only recently has he interacted with me on a human level. I told her I said to him, who are you and what have you done with my doctor? Whatever it is, keep him. I like you." She said, you really said that to him. I said, yes. I told her I call him Dr. Yes because when I needed something I just called and got it because it was clear he didn't want to see me. I said it's been nothing short of painful under his care. She said, we know that many spoke this way, but he is very different now.

She said, something in his private life changed and now he's back to the person we know. She asked me to stick with him. I said ok. I said, there is harm done and it doesn't heal over night. He was demeaning, didn't even look me in the eye, hardly ever examined me, just wanted to get out of there. I said, that was painful.

Evidently, most of what was said to me on the phone the other day was not coming from Dr. Yes but Nurse Ratchet. Nurse Ratchet is a two faced something. She's never spoken to me that way to my face! I think of the times she sat in that office and helped me get myself together as I cried after his appointments. To know she's the one who has spoken to me this way many other times just irks me. I had no idea she as saying more than she should have................ The office manager said she's going to straighten some things out.

We came home because my pain level was too high to stay out. She promised to mail out my two packages on Friday. Before we came home I picked up Passionfloower tincture. I went to bed early but Mary Jane decided I was to also get up early. She bugged me alllll night, long! Child, please! My goodness.

I think I'm going to stick with making my own 'golden milk' / turmeric tea which is helpful for pain. Once I'm in a flare up I'm not really able to do much at all including get up and make this tea so I thought about having a bottle of ginger and one of turmeric on hand. I saw that it can be made and kept up to a year in a bottle. I like that idea. I may try it this coming spring but I won't do it right now. Right now I'll try to make it.

Morning's with Mary

Today is another day of steroids. I read that people on these have used Passionflower to help ease the rage. I'd like it to work. I'd also like to go back to sleep.

Mary Jane is on the chair sleeping like a baby. I should tap her and keep tapping her until she wakes. She wanted more food in her bowl so she could eat two bites. I'm like no, indulge, be a glutton. You woke me up, you need to eat like you're never gonna eat again. EAT Fuzzy one, EAT! ...

When I go to the restroom she sits outside the door. I should sit outside her litter box and scratch the side of the box then peek my head in the door to see what horrible thing's she's doing in there.

The most fun would be for her to get up from the chair then I'll run over there and sit in that chair.

Actually, I don't feel well at all. I don't feel well at all. I'm going to take morning meds and go back to sleep. I'm not sure how I'm going to sleep with barking frogs and a cat who wants new food in her bowl so she can eat two bites. Two dang on bites.

I want donuts. I've wanted donuts for a while now which means I may need to walk across the street and get some.... hmmmm I don't know. I'm too tired.. I'm not too tired to make waffles before I sleep though. Fuzzy butt is over there sleeping now. I'll try not to be bitter. lol

Jordan

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.

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