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Betty: The Weeping Wall – Boil and Burn

I'm just a broken little girl crying at a brick wall too hard to be affected by my tears.

We were at the tail end of getting a few items from the store when my pain level spiked. I needed Betty to come help me get something off the shelf so I called her. When she got over there she told me since I was looking for a Thai item it would be on a different aisle, so she starts walking away. I said, it's right here. She objected and said, it's down here, I know it is. I didn't move. She came back but passed me to look elsewhere. I said, it's right here. I said, forget it, just forget it. Her movements were over stimulating for me as well as her refusal to listen.

She passed me twice going down the aisle looking for the item right in front of me.  It was too high for me to get because I was in the chair. Finally I said, forget it. I'll get it. I grabbed my cane, stood up and got the item. While standing she started in on me, got really close to me and kept saying, is that it, is that it? I saw her hand come to my chest ........and everything changed......everything........

She was in my face, literally in my face with her hand inches from touching my chest. Robert said in a very threatening voice, "Don't touch me. Do. not . touch. me." His threat had nothing at all to do with pain, nothing. She pushed too far today.

Betty will go to the ends of the earth to be right, so when the item wasn't in the spots she looked but was where I said it was all along, she threw a senior citizens fit, an old lady granny tantrum....and she threw it on the wrong person, at the wrong time..... She was literally in my face saying, is this it? I screamed YES! She yelled something at me, but I don't remember what it was. My response was that she pushed too far. She said, I'll be in the car, and walked away.

It wasn't 30 seconds later that she came back and said, I'm sorry I walked away. I've never heard you raise your voice, let alone scream. She said, it's the steroids, this isn't the real you. I said, it's not the steroids, it's you. The problem is you. You push and you push and you push. You can't see how your actions affect others, you just can't see how you play a part in our issues.

As we went to cashier she said, "Do you forgive me?" I said, "I don't have a choice." She said, "You have a choice."

I paid for my items and we got in the car together. After pulling away I started talking. I figured, she was mad so I might as well air things out, right? I told her that her hostile treatment has come to boiling point and we really need to sit down and hash things out. She laughed at me and said I was being absurd. She kept laughing like, I can't believe this is happening.

We've boiled over and now you want to use the word absurd and laugh at me. That's the best way to turn a fire into an inferno.

Jordan

5:45pm EST February 7, 2017

Published on Categories Anxiety, PTSD, The People Behind My EyesTags ,

About Faith

SUNDRIP – Art for Life is a site that expresses in every media possible an intimate look into the life of a person living with major trauma. The issues addressed in art and writing include Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lupus and CRSD. Despite these issues, I intend to move forward, through and out with honor, grace and creativity.

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