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Dream. Destroy My World. Forensic Files. Perfection.

Dream:
Last night's dreams were of drowning and stabbing murders. A boat wrecked and about 50 to 60 people were along the shore scattered and too hurt to pull themselves the rest of the way to safety.

Then the scene changed to two women being lead in the dark to the dock. They were lead by a woman I'm going to call Peggy just so it'll make sense. Peggy owned a boarding house. She rented rooms to single women and couples. It was an old ranch type house in the middle of nowhere, nothing but fields and dirt roads. The house was full.

The dream turned violent when Peggy stabbed boarders in their beds and left them there. She then lead two ladies to the edge of the water, the dock, and stabbed one and pushed her in the river. The other knew her husband had been murdered earlier and no longer wanted to live, so she just jumped over board and died of grief. Peggy killed 3 others then pushed them in the water. She returned to the house to reveal a second person with knowledge of the killings. Unexpectedly, Peggy turned on the accomplice. She looked her in the eye and stabbed her in the stomach. The lady was so shocked and betrayed when the knife went in.

All the people I dragged on shore died. After that I was just sort of an observer in the dream. At the end of the dream the killer stood in the door way of of the old house looking out into pitch black. There was no one for hundreds of miles. By her own doing, she was completely isolated from the rest of the world.

Thoughts:
Self sabotage. Impulsive. She left herself isolated. She destroyed her world with her own hands. The people on the shore were so close to making it, just inches away but too far to survive. The lady who died of grief was heartbreaking. The killer destroyed everything in her world. No one was coming to investigate the people who died on the boat or the people she murdered. They were no one, nothing, and no one would miss them.

Forensic Files:
There have been times I've watched Forensic Files and I'd think to myself, no one would do that for me. No one would look for me. At first they'd be alarmed but I find my existence too insignificant to put forth much effort to find me. (gotta work on the self esteem issue)  I've seen where the police said the adult has the right to leave or they prosecute someone I'm not so sure is guilty. Either way, it seems less about the loss of life and more about procedures and putting someone, anyone in jail.  They interrogate everyone with no concern for the emotional impact that will have on the lives of the innocent. Still I think, there are only 2 people to look at if I disappear.... my sister and my current landlord, neither one can stand me. If I come up missing look at those two right there.

This entry is going south so quickly.....  lol

I wonder why people who have been killed are given such glowing reviews of their life. It's always someone who lights up a room, gives the shirt off their back, a supportive friend, someone poised to take life by the horns. No one ever says, ya know, Uncle Joe was a jackass, a rude jerk who swindled money from old people, but he was our uncle and we want justice. No one ever says, Aunt Bee was a tramp, a pathological liar and thief but she stills needs justice. They always make it sound like the person killed was an angel. They wouldn't call me an angel. They'd say, she was a sassy artist with emotional craters who wore tie dye socks and giggled at the sight of baby ducks. Truth be told, I'd end up in the cold case files which makes me kinda sad.

I'd never up and leave without my tea collection or my cat. 🙂 Most other things are negotiable.

Jordan

11:52pm EST - 3/15/17

Published on Categories PTSD, The People Behind My Eyes

About Faith

SUNDRIP – Art for Life is a site that expresses in every media possible an intimate look into the life of a person living with major trauma. The issues addressed in art and writing include Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lupus and CRSD. Despite these issues, I intend to move forward, through and out with honor, grace and creativity.

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.

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