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What do I look like?

I'm a little slow in thought and somewhat medicated.

A few years ago one of my alters suggested we take a photograph of ourselves each month. She said to do it on the 17th and that's exactly what we've done. It's to give us a clearer view of ourselves, to break from old negative messages.

Without a photo in front of me, what do I think I look like? I feel.......... and there's the challenge. The truth of what I look like is based on categories like, 5'4, African-American, plus size, brown eyes, brown hair, not feelings. That's what I look like but what I feel I look like is totally different. And that's what the photos are supposed to do, stop the shaming and see myself better. Stop 'seeing' me in phrases like I feel small, I feel like an elephant. I feel stupid.

I am still working on how I speak to myself and how I view myself. I'm still working on splitting up feelings based on truth and feelings based on shame and self loathing.

A photograph of on the 17th of each month doesn't have my face with red inked letters that spell out 'bad' so why should I include that word when describing my appearance?

Faith

Published on Categories Major Depression, The People Behind My EyesTags

About Faith

SUNDRIP – Art for Life is a site that expresses in every media possible an intimate look into the life of a person living with major trauma. The issues addressed in art and writing include Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lupus and CRSD. Despite these issues, I intend to move forward, through and out with honor, grace and creativity.

2 thoughts on “What do I look like?

  1. La Quemada

    Hello, my dear. I haven't seen the photos you take on the 17th (what a good idea!), but I can tell you what I see in the small round photo that shows up next to your comments on my posts. Warm, mischievous smile. Smooth, glowing skin. Eyes that see through the bullshit. Someone I'd like to know. xxoo

    Reply
    1. Faith

      mischievous smile - lol yup, it's there.. lol

      At first I read your comment wrong. I read it to say, " I see in the small brown POTATO"
      I was like, what does that mean? That's not helpful, it's the opposite of helpful. She just called me round and lazy....what did I do to her? LOL thank goodness I read it again. lol

      Reply

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.

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