Don’t Push

Snow came on Friday as scheduled but we ended up talking for the first 45 min. I tried to tell her that Robert can be pushed to a physical altercation or a good cursing out. I tried to put that mildly. I didn't want to come right out and say that one of me will come out swinging if emotionally battered. Don't physically back him into a corner like Betty did and don't stand in his face yelling about how horrible of a person we are and then start calling me all sorts of horrible things. There is an alter that integrated that handled physical safety and that could withstand verbal abuse but that alter integrated. That alter's way of managing difficult people isn't like Robert.

So who is Robert? He's a wounded wolf. I say he's a wounded wolf because he use to howl in my head. He was in so much emotional pain that he'd howl from the gut. It's an unforgettable sound.  He took the most painful physical abuse from the mother. He didn't use to come out, he was always deep inside. He used to be so terrible to us, mean, abusive, scary, but Robert has grown from that wounded wolf pup to a 19 year individual capable of assisting us in running this household.

At this time Robert is doing a lot of work in therapy. He's doing most of the art work right now including the My Face My Art pieces. He's very demanding and straight forward unless of course he's talking to Dr. D whom he likes and has come to trust. It's no longer a concern for him to live inside of a female body where as before he loathed it and saw it as a weakness. Robert has quite a bit of authority in our system but he does have restrictions. Robert can't ever touch our cat, not ever.

Robert doesn't like to be touched at all and noise is a problem for him. Among improvements and dedication to the entire system he gave up smoking and cursing. He gave up sex because he knew we needed him to do that. Robert has commanded our respect because of all the progress he's made. These steps have taken him from a wounded cub to a teenager with strong capabilities. He's not an adult, none of us are. The body may be 45 but the oldest personalities sees themselves as 19 years old. Each age group is from a pivotal year in life. We have 19 years old then 15, 9, 6 and three. Each one of those ages marks a major turning point.

Think for a second, if you suddenly left your kids alone in the home forever could the oldest ones pick up the pieces and take care of everything? That's what we're doing here. We think like our age group. There are 2 of us running this household full of kids. It's taken us awhile to get the hang of is. I feel like we've made vast improvements but I still see our challenges as tremendous.

I talked to Snow about the two people who have pushed me so far that they risked getting knocked upside the head. Snow suggested that these two individuals are known to have 'issues' and that I'm not the only one that's been pushed but that it may be best to walk away, take my leave before things get physical or someone gets cursed up and down!

The sharpest sword is the tongue; it makes the deepest, painful and lasting wounds.

It's gotten better in my head since the visitor was here and I had to kick her out! I've been able to process it a few times with others and think about it here at home. It's gotten a lot better. I appreciate that Snow isn't afraid of me. I'd hate to think someone is afraid of me. I suppose there's no worry unless of course you decide to physically back me into a corner and start yelling at me or if you skip backing me into a corner and go straight to verbal abuse.

I am concerned about the risk for a physical confrontation so Robert and Dr. D have been working together on the issue. I don't think people should be afraid of me though. I'd hate to think anyone is afraid of me. That would be terrible. Shoot, the last person I hit was in 2000. I will never forget that day. The would- be burglar chose the wrong house to break into.

Jordan

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.