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Anxiety. Dreams of Dying.

I'm still awake, a bit nervous and going back and forth between wanting to isolate and feeling nervous. I've got YouTube playing as well as music on the ipod and a game on the tablet. It's as if there's so much anxiety I don't know what to do with it. I'm running emotionally.

I set up the new frog tank and listened to the Waterfall which sounded so peaceful. I considered laying down to relax and listen but I was afraid to let go.

I had a dream that my mother drove a car with my sister in the passenger's seat while I hung outside of the car enjoying the breeze. At one point I told my mother I wanted in the car but she refused to let me in. She sped up then turned a corner and slammed into a red car. In slow motion I saw my mother and sister sustain injuries they could not survive. I was thrown beyond the wreckage where I was in and out of consciousness. On a rescue gurney I asked about my family. They wouldn't answer. I was in and out of consciousness and realized I was dying. I knew better than to look at my body. I figured I was messed up pretty badly. I closed my eyes and slipped away.

In another dream the same night, I was a kitten in a feral community. My momma took me to an abandoned house where another cat brought her young kitten. The kitten curled up next to me to sleep. I thought it was the greatest thing ever.

Me

Published on Categories Anxiety, Cats, Dreams, The People Behind My Eyes

About Faith

SUNDRIP – Art for Life is a site that expresses in every media possible an intimate look into the life of a person living with major trauma. The issues addressed in art and writing include Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lupus and CRSD. Despite these issues, I intend to move forward, through and out with honor, grace and creativity.

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.

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