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Stop! Stop! Stop!

Content: The comment option has been turned off. 11:06 pm EST a man on meth and drunk upset a child and mother. Threat of violence to the mother and child. I yelled at them as the child screamed, "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy."

If I don't get this out of my head right now I won't be in any shape to finish the remainder of my evening in peace...and I do plan on spending it peacefully.

I'm shaking inside. I was in the restroom and the window was open. I heard a child screaming and crying "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy." The child was in a lot of distress. It was an emotional call not a tantrum. He was emotional and screaming over and over, "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy." I heard the mother tell the little one to be quiet because its late and people are sleeping. (not). He quieted down a little but then a man came up and started cursing and screaming at the woman. He called her all kinds of things while the child still cried. Things got even more heated and louder and louder to where it was going to explode into violence. I know that sound just before tipping point. I know that sound!

Both parents were yelling and screaming. I couldn't see them. It was too dark. As things got heated to the point where I feared someone would get hurt I just started yelling out my window, "Stop! Stop!" I just kept repeating it. When there was a moment of silence, and I mean a moment, I yelled to them, "For the baby, please stop!" There was only a fraction of a breath before they started again. It was like they realized someone else was in their world but then they started right back up so I started yelling again. Then it was just silent so I said (I didn't yell it) I said,  "For the baby, please, please stop." The man had to get in a few more words then they went their separate ways with him still running his mouth. The last insults included the stuff about him being drunk and on meth.

At the end I was just standing there with my pants at my ankles leaning on the window coverings. The only thing I saw was a white guy in a white 'wife beater' shirt, of all things! Other than that I saw nothing. I have no idea who those people are. I don't know if they live here, or where they came from. I just know I felt absolutely helpless to change anything. There was no way on earth I was going to go outside. I started to go call the police but.... by the time they got here they would have been gone. It felt like the best thing I could do was make a disruption in hopes that someone else would help.

I just realized, there was a third adult female with them. She was very quiet compared to the parents.

The Julian Center ShelterI want to add something. Indianapolis has a very well respected Domestic Violence Shelter. It's no longer a hidden 'safe house' type place but a beautiful residence and campus with protection. The Julian Center Shelter of Indianapolis  is reliable, thorough help. I lived at this shelter. I can personally vouch for its cleanliness and safety. I can personally vouch for their understanding of situations where there is a disability and for the level of after care, even long term after care. They will not let you down! They helped me escape my now ex-husband and they helped me understand why it took 3 times before I finally stayed gone. I have a lot of respect for them.

Alright, I've taken a few deep breaths and I feel better but I can tell I'm on high alert. My ear is trained on the front door, listening to see if he is at my door. It won't be the easiest night but it'll be much better now that I've gotten this off my chest. This is another one of those times when it's helpful to understand that I have resources. I will not live in fear without an answer to that fear. You will hear my voice. I may be afraid. I may even at times be slow to act on my behalf but never make the mistake of thinking I won't act. I have choices and I know what my resources are in this city.

I have to say something else..., for me..., I've got to say it. I feel guilty for not being willing to go outside. I made a decision while yelling at them to stop that I wouldn't go outside which meant I made a conscious decision to leave that child to possible physical harm. I'm so sorry. That apology will mean nothing to him/her if he ever found out. There are all sorts of reasons to explain why I made that decision, but the fact of the matter is, I just left a baby in danger, and that hurts. It felt like the only thing I could do for him was just keep screaming for them to stop and get ready to call the police.

I was moving to get the phone when they cleared out of here quickly. This all happened in the span of 3 mins tops. All that insanity, all that anger, uncertainty, rage and ... decision making ...took place in 3 mins. Life is so fast sometimes. Because I am a survivor, my brain was going the entire time. I felt I had an advantage because they couldn't see me. It's pitch black. All I was to them was a voice in pitch black, unseen and booming. Voices carry through the courtyard and I know it. I think it took a second for them to realize I was yelling at them.

The child was somewhere between 5-7 yrs of age. I'm really, really sorry little one. I've got a million reasons why I couldn't go out there but none of that makes you any safer, does it? ...Gracious...

Faith

 

Published on Categories Abuse, Anxiety, Children, PTSD, The People Behind My Eyes

About Faith

SUNDRIP – Art for Life is a site that expresses in every media possible an intimate look into the life of a person living with major trauma. The issues addressed in art and writing include Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lupus and CRSD. Despite these issues, I intend to move forward, through and out with honor, grace and creativity.

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