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Long Nights

I have slept hard and well. I can't complain at all about the quality of sleep I've had lately, not even a little.

I went to the store yesterday and came back home with zero energy. I slept from 5 pm to 10 pm which meant my hours were turned around. I used the time for studying and to get some house work done. As the night went on, I wanted to rest but I felt weighed down with anxiety. Several nights in a row I've held my MP3 player like a well worn teddy bear. I listened to podcast subscriptions and books. I could have hooked it up to speakers but I needed it close to me. I needed a human voice as comfort so I could relax enough to close my eyes.

I used to require a lot of silence but I can barely stand in now, especially at night.

Sometimes when I wake the iPod is still playing. It makes me smile. I guess because I was able to hear something positive the entire evening, something to fight nightmares. The iPod is a generation 4 that I got second hand. I love that thing. I can't run most applications. I can no longer open a page on the web and keep it open, it but I can get the most important things, music and podcasts. This little machine has served me well.

Tonight's dinner was bbq chicken, green beans and mashed potatoes. I later had my 6 oz of red wine. I've done better about my eating but improvement in that area still comes in waves.

I'm going to start to settle in for the night with a nice cup of tea.

Faith

 

Published on Categories Anxiety, PTSD, The People Behind My Eyes

About Faith

SUNDRIP – Art for Life is a site that expresses in every media possible an intimate look into the life of a person living with major trauma. The issues addressed in art and writing include Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lupus and CRSD. Despite these issues, I intend to move forward, through and out with honor, grace and creativity.

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.

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