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Anxiety caused by sudden change

I'm not good with changing things without time to transition. My head feels scattered and set to panic mode. Anxiety is high and honestly, I want to kick my legs and flail my arms. This isn't what we planned!!!! Argh! It's like I can't take changes like this. Like my mind and body actively reject the idea of the assault called change of plans.

Wednesday Dr. D called after hours to tell me that he double booked. I know he made a mistake and that is fine. It really is, but that change set in motion a series of other changes.

The plan was to go see Dr. D then go to the health food store on that side of town for my much loved honey. I'd then stop by the store, pick up some 7up and come home. I'd talk to Dr. D the following Monday. Scratch all that because he double booked and had to cancel my appointment.

The plan for Friday is to go to the grocery store and come home. Snow will snag my trash and leave. That seems simple but it's not, not for me. I'm not ready to go to the grocery store. That's not supposed to happen until Tuesday. It didn't fit in my head right.

Dr. D will call at some point tomorrow but when I have no clue. Snow will call me at some point tomorrow to pick me up for the store but when, I have no clue. She didn't set a time. For me this is all up in the air, nothing sure, nothing to depend on. All I can think is, it's Friday, I'm not supposed to be at the grocery store.

What if he calls when I can't talk? I'm going to be very irritated!!! There's that frustration mounting, hardly under cover. For him to call at a time I can't talk is insult to the injury called change.

If I went to therapy I'd have all the way to therapy to talk to Snow and then the drive back home I could visit with her, too. Going to the store 5 min away, shopping separately then coming home with her rushing out doesn't allow me to visit with her. I won't get to talk to her. She'll just be a driver. I won't get to see her for another week. I don't like this.

Published on Categories Anxiety, The People Behind My Eyes

About Faith

SUNDRIP – Art for Life is a site that expresses in every media possible an intimate look into the life of a person living with major trauma. The issues addressed in art and writing include Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lupus and CRSD. Despite these issues, I intend to move forward, through and out with honor, grace and creativity.

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