Content: Demons, mysticism, possession, overcoming fears
I was told I had demons and that they were making me keep the family upset. I was so afraid. I worried that the wind carried demons. I was afraid of going to sleep for fear one would get on top of me as I slept only to have me open my eyes and see no one. I was afraid they'd strangle me. I was afraid what my mother said was true.
No one ever tried to do an exorcism on me. No one in the family said I had demons except my mother. She kept that up until 1992, when day I left home.
I spent quite a bit of time trying to avoid anything that would attract demons. Second hand items from Goodwill and stores like it were risky because a demon may have possessed the item. If I brought the item home I'd bring in demons. I was careful at garage sales. Before buying an item, I'd look around to see if anything there was a threat and potential cause for problems.
I avoided certain objects and cloths with certain colors. I was afraid much of the time that I was so bad that I attracted demons. Honestly, it's only been in the last 2 years or so that I began to really challenge some of the ideas I was taught on this subject. I have less fear and I continue to break down old messages. One of the hardest has been to break free of the belief that cats are spirits. *
My aunt is the scariest person I ever met. She is insane. My mother was crazy but my aunt is insane. Where ever she was, there was going to be blood. She was always singing, loudly, then she'd break into a laugh and punch you in the shoulder then start singing again. She, like everyone else in my family, loomed over me. I'm the shortest one. My aunt loomed over me with those big teeth, just a smiling, singing and giving in to rage. She'd beat her son with such ferocity that it stunned the other beasts / adults in the house. She was beast-like and demonic, but she was not possessed. My mother has a story about her sister and demons that I can't verify but I personally don't know her to be anything but insane and violent.
In the session we read over the entry Taking off her mask. The branded child and Taking off her mask. Who will she be? We talked about friendships and fears concerning them. We talked about a male doll that I'm making. I need tea before I get on with another appointment today. I have to take care of Janie. I'm going to swing around and pick up the replacement frog for the one that died 24 hours after purchase. Instead of a Green Tree Frog, it's another Chubby Frog. There's something so wonderful about them. They aren't considered pretty but when I look at them I see it. I like this species a lot. They're nocturnal so I watch Chubby Charlie through the red light that's on at night over his tank. He gets a friend today. I will update about Mary Jane as soon as possible...I gotta find out first though.
* Noted: I mentioned that my mother taught me what to look for so as not to bring demons in the house. We avoided places and things so as not to be harassed by demons. This may sound odd to some, but it isn't uncommon, and should not be mistaken for mental illness.
Think of this: how many people sage their homes? Isn't that trying to get out 'negative energy' and anything that is contrary to their understanding of what is good? Don't people have amulets, alters, crosses, crystals and other forms of 'protection' and gifts to their gods, to appease them so they aren't harassed by evil? Don't people believe in the evil eye? Don't people believe and pray to the universe and look for signs in turtles, birds, and other animals? If those beliefs are mainstream and not considered mental illness then what my mother said about me being possessed shouldn't be considered mental illness. Spiritism is widespread and deeply rooted in cultures around the world, including the American culture. I do believe in spirits but I have zero contact, interest or associations with spiritism, magic, magik or anything that resembles these things.
I have tea to drink now.