I feel a turning I can't stop
and the reemergence of pain I can't bear.
She looks through me, laying on the floor on a make shift pouch of blue,
her eyes are in my direction, but she looks through me.
I watch her belly rise and fall as if my own life depends on it,
because it does.
I stroke her head, travel across her frailty to absorb every ounce of pain through my fingertips
like any mother would,
just to see her baby get up again,
to see her pounce, sleep on my shoes, curl up in my favorite chair
or loudly sound the dinner bell.
I hold her close and share my warmth
as if to will her gums pink with life,
make her paws stretch open then close around my finger as before.
but she just looks through me,
spent, she looks through me.
Jane did something today she hasn't done in nearly two months. She climbed on me and licked my face until I woke. She wanted breakfast. I'm also happy to report that her gums are pink! They're pink!!!!! There's a turning in her health, one I had given up on at the writing of the above piece yesterday. I need so badly for her to recover. I said it means my life. Of course I will not die a physical death, but I don't want my connection with Jane to be severed by death. I don't want this to end.
I put Diatomaceous Earth on the list of items I need to barter for on Amazon. The DE and charcoal will arrive soon. The last item on the list for her is something I can pick up next month. I feel confident I have the things I need to assist her as much as possible. The vet will figure out how long she needs to be on the pharmaceuticals.
Although my vet isn't one to offer a yes or no on holistic treatments, I am aware that food grade 1 Diatomaceous Earth has a positive affect on a cat's metabolism and digestion. Adding DE to Jane's food is part of a full and somewhat simple, long term health care plan. 2 The wet cat food she'll be eating is from a recipe meant to increase certain vitamins specific to my cat's needs. In addition to her three vet meds, I started adding unflavored Pedialyte to her gallon water dispenser. When I added Pedialyte to her water I saw an increase in activity. 3 I now use filtered drinking water only. Her long term medical plan is being reviewed with her vet who knows the medical history of my elderly sweetheart.
Long term health plan factors: Small doses of DE, higher quality wet food, changing the quality of her drinking water.
It is imperative that she gradually gain weight. She lost it rapidly which is a problem, but so it gaining rapidly. I'll know tomorrow what she weighs and if there's been any progress in that area. I'll also know if her red blood cells are up.
Let me say something about vets and Google. When the vet doesn't give a lot of info on holistic information, I'm left to the mercy of Google to answer medical questions specific to my cat. I'm also exposed to abusive answers from so-called animal lovers who forget that I'm seeking answers because I love my girl, not because I don't want to take her to the vet. I'm going to have to learn to let crap from people on these sites, roll off my back. I also need to try to communicate more effectively with doctors who are very cautious to give any advice outside of
what is known to kill you, modern medicine.
My medical situation consists of a lot of pain in the left leg. It's gotten better but it's still pretty bad.
I'm not going to make it to the Hall tonight.
Those dental appointments knock me down big time.
I'm on day 4 of cleaning the wine that blew up.
I'm tearful for many reasons, exhaustion and grief for my girl. This is a terrible ride.
It's time for tea.