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Indecision. Starting Over.

It's raining, my least favorite weather condition. Man I hate water. I was supposed to work on that this year but other things took center stage.

This morning when I saw the rain I put the covers over my head and refused to budge, however, Clyde needed to go out so get up I did. Its funny because as soon as I opened the door he decided he could hold it. I thought, oh heck no. I got up, got dressed, buddy, you're getting wet. I felt bad for him though so we came in after completing half his business.

Yesterday was Tuesday which means I should have made fresh bread but that didn't happen.

This morning I wanted French toast or maybe an omelet but I settled for candy corn and coffee.

Snow wanted to go to Starbucks for something called medicine ball tea which sounds nasty to me. I had Moroccan mint tea here at home. Right now I'm drinking Starbucks house blend coffee purchased at the grocery store by the half pound. It's almost the same price as one cup at their shop.

Maybe if I go back to sleep for a little bit I can wake refreshed and actually get something done today. I'd like to start over since the dream I woke with is one I can't live with. According to my therapist, when I have dreams like that I should write them out with all the details then rewrite the dream with an empowering ending. That amount of energy given to my mother feels wasteful.

Am I really going to go back to sleep? It would be so much easier to start over, to wake without those images and emotions hanging over my head. Part of me says write it out, another part says get on with your day. The most comfortable way to be productive would be to give up a few hours for sleep, rest my mind then get up and get on with my day. I need a real meal. I've been planning and craving fettuccine with grilled chicken and steamed broccoli. Pasta dinner, a little homemade white wine and a DVD sounds like the best reward for a full day's work. I'd better make that possible by taking a nap first.

Published on Categories Life is like a box of, The People Behind My Eyes

About Faith

SUNDRIP – Art for Life is a site that expresses in every media possible an intimate look into the life of a person living with major trauma. The issues addressed in art and writing include Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lupus and CRSD. Despite these issues, I intend to move forward, through and out with honor, grace and creativity.

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