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Okay with not being okay

There has been a lot of sleep today but since it was nearly 60 degrees I decided to take a walk with Clyde. We did 4.5 blocks one way and 4.5 blocks back which is only about a half block longer than usual. Perhaps we would have made it the full 5 blocks had we not been blocked by a flock of free roaming chickens. Seriously, this is Indiana but come on y'all, control your chickens! A flock. Okay, a gang of 'em, running loose. Don't let your chickens run around rough, stopping walkers trying to escape depression! There could have been happiness at the full 5 block goal but I'll never know cause of the hoodlum fowl.

After a successful escape from free roaming chickens, Clyde and I returned to the safety of our home and went straight to bed. I know I'm sleeping a lot but I can't keep my eyes open. And, I'm not trying to. I'm eating, sleeping, caring for myself, cleaning my apartment, sewing, creating and letting this depression play out. I'm just going with it. I'd be lying if I said I'm okay. I'm not okay. I'm exhausted, spent, needy and anxious.

Grief - original artI'm safe. I'm supported. I'm prepared.

In the long list of things that are okay to do, I've been taking my anti anxiety meds as opposed to the anti anxiety tincture. It's safe to say I'm past tincture point and right into the need for pharmaceuticals.

When 6 pm rolls around it's tea time. I'm getting tea time in each day, after which I feed Clyde and do my night time routine.

Somehow in all this sludge, I'll enter phase one of the winter letter writing project for Senior home bound individuals in need of a pen pal. The worst day possible for me to try to do anything is after therapy, however, the other half of the team is over her flu disease and is ready to jump in and get some things done. We're meeting Monday evening. It's not the best day but it needs to be done. I'll be there during tea time but, me being me, I will stop right in the middle, whip out my tea and have tea time right then...right there. Yeah, it's like that! What??? I'm trying to stay sane in an insane body and whacked out world that lies about lost submarines, gives voice to imbecilic dictators, and loves to destroy itself publicly. Yes. I need a daily break.

Tea time is time out, time to recharge so I can keep going. It's an energy break, a time to stop the flow of junk in my head and  time to breathe. Sometimes its a little late but nothing stops tea time, especially now when there's so much to do endure.

Faith

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
- singer Jessie J

No need to feel nervous, comment if you'd like.

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