I'm going to turn comments off for this entry
I want to say I'm sorry for writing so much about feeling suicidal. I feel like I of all people should never feel this way, not after losing my brother to suicide, not after being so angry with my sister for feeling this way. I feel like a hypocrite.
I'm on the surviving end of three suicides. I know the devastation. I know the fear it causes when people speak about it, especially so openly. I have pulled no punches, watered nothing down, and I won't. But I feel guilty because I know a people read this stuff and they care. I hate dragging people through this crap. So I'm sorry for the intensity of the entries, past and those to come. Just know I'm working on this and that I'm using my support system and trying to use my coping skills.
There are friends and family of choice that I don't want to hurt in any way. There's so much left to do. I have Super Hound aka Sir Clyde here with me. I hope to live a good long time with him. I hope to make a lot of memories, to have a lot of snuggle time and times that make my heart smile.
I'm trying and will continue to try. I'll continue to paint and I'll continue to fight, hard.