I didn't have therapy today. I was in the hospital most of the day because of a complication with shingles. A friend of mine said, "What next?" I wanted to break her neck for saying it.
I didn't think I would get to talk to Dr. D before I went in which was terribly upsetting. When he did call, which was just as I was walking out the door, he ended up talking to one of my child personalities who was panicked. We were so afraid we'd not get to hear from him or have that support which we badly needed. For a few minutes he reassured her that he wasn't mad we couldn't be there and that he thought we should go in just as our doctor suggested.
I've just sort of swallowed the emotion associated with the issue. I'm a tad worn out so I've not allowed myself to feel the weight of it. Shingles hurt but there's an emotional side to it, too. That I've put off because my plate is too full to feel it.
Something interesting happened. An older woman in a uniform, a worker, walked up to me and said, "May I have a hug?" I looked at her, a short white woman, elderly, and told her why I couldn't. She then said, "I lost my daughter a few years back and when I see a nice young lady I want to hug her. May I have a hug?" The outbreak is on my leg (not the one with the wound) and covered up so I hugged her. She then held both my hands, looked me in the eye and said, "That'll last you for a good long time." She said, "Hugging is what I do best." I said, "May I have another?" A total stranger held me like a mother holds her daughter. She then gave me a soft kiss on my cheek and walked away. That little angel gave me a hug that'll last a very long time.
I'm at home now. It's been a long, exhausting, painful day. I've also lost a full day of work on a therapy doll, but I will catch up tomorrow.
Of course there's medication involved with shingles, which took every last dime I have. That part I feel full force.
I resume telephone sessions with Dr. D Monday afternoon. We'll discuss the hospital visit and the little one's need to hear his voice. She totally panicked when she thought he would for some reason not call. Thank goodness he called.