It's not been a good day to say the least. In addition to firing someone I really liked, I jacked up my already jacked up foot. This is the same foot that I smashed in the door.
Well, I was using the pedicure tool suggested by the surgeon and accidentally ripped a two inch hole from the amputation site. I didn't feel it at all. I looked and I was bleeding. (sigh) I put some medical grade honey on it and a bandage and let it go. I don't know if I want to use this thing after this!
At the time I was quite emotionally devistated by it. I also thought I deserved to be hurt bc I fired someone who is hurting. There I was bleeding and thought, good, this is what happens to people like you! It took a second to get my head straight and realized just how triggering her situation has been. No, I don't deserve to hurt and neither does she. It was an accident, not a punishment! Not a sign that I'm a bad person.
It'll take a moment to wipe the visual of my CNA hurting herself. It wasn't a good thing to see. It'll take a little bit to accept my new normal of not getting the feeling back in that foot properly. I try not to let it get to me. I try to take it in stride ya know? But sometimes the realization of my physical condition hits me hard, like today.
So I'm going to to take a few deep breaths then do some art work. I will turn on some music and let this moment pass. No stuffing. No running but also, I refuse to just sit in it. I'm about to work it out the best I can, with art and tea.