I'm not your Problem Girl anymore.
And no, I'm not Silent anymore.
Digital art by fma
Content: Discussion of child torture and sexual abuse, the affects of emotional abuse, feeling hated during violent abuse, dental appointment
I just thought, I was taught to hate me. I was taught that I don't deserve mercy, so when I think of myself as a child, I feel the contempt that burned beside the torture.
I remember the little girl in the same light my mother put her in. That could be the difference between feeling compassion towards other survivors but struggling to give it to myself. I don't see other survivors as bad but I remember my young self with the mask they put on her. That mask was created by them. It was created with words like; liar, disgusting, dog, disobedient, disloyal, unlovable, laughingstock, disruptive, manipulative, bad things happen because of me. Then there's the one that gets me. She said, You'll do anything with your mouth. She'd say it with a mocking giggle. ...continue reading "Taking off her mask. Who will she be?"
I'm still on the hunt for a psychiatrist for better med management. I'm using a few different resources to manage the depression and anxiety now, one resource being art.
I doodle because it makes me happy. I doodle because I'm anxious. I doodle because I'm bored. I'm a doodle bug.
These were done while in bed. Some are in my art journal while others are in altered art books.
It's been difficult to move around so I've stayed close to my the bed. The watercolor
pens pen is so helpful. I can move beyond colored pencils and crayons. I still use those but I like having watercolors, too. ...continue reading "Doodle. Art and Anxiety. Creative Endeavors."
Spark: Fire and Water now has a wall of its own. Soon it will be safely packaged up and sent on its journey.
Spark: Fire and Water is an art journal, two page spread that was offered in my Etsy shop.
Sparks of color fly as her eyes open wide to take in and hold all that grows around her. A signature of Sundrip is to have many hidden faces and objects that are seemingly random. This journal piece most certainly has the Sundrip signature along with bold chaos in color.
What will you see in this raw, collage art? You will see fragmented flowers, hair like waves of the sea, a blue girl. You'll see lines cross, curve and circle around holding tiny human figures. Crosshatch and stripes meet checkers and poles, then bring your eye back to the girl in the middle with doodles on her lips.
Two page collage and drawings in my art journal.
When I'm anxious I make small terrariums in glass jars. I make dry flower arrangements from flowers I've purchased or flowers donated by friends. I often get a years worth of lavender from a friend when she cuts hers back. I love that stuff. Thank goodness I don't have allergies.
I have all kinds of terrariums and terrarium supplies, stuff I wanted to add to my Etsy shop. I haven't added them because I have no idea how to ship them so I've started offering them locally. So far so good. I love getting my hands in that soil, placing driftwood, hand picked stones and tiny little plants into little landscapes.
I've struggled with depression recently, depression that feels too heavy to manage alone. Today I made a bit of extra effort to get out of bed and get into something productive which meant working with the fish and terrariums.
I've turned a 6 drawer wooden dresser into a feature garden with some of the drawers holding garden supplies like gloves, planters and terrarium supplies. ...continue reading "Getting My Hands Dirty"
On sale now are all items in my Etsy shop and items in my Available Art Galleries until August 4th, 2017.
August is the month I stock up on art supplies for the entire year. Also, I'm going to Goodwill on August 2nd to purchase some exercise equipment, among other things.
There are some fun new listings in my Etsy shop. I've put together two or three art pieces in one listing for one price. You'll find these lot listings throughout the shop.
At check out on Etsy, use coupon code ArtForArtSale17 for 25% off your total purchase until August 4th, 2017. If you would like to have a PayPal invoice, I will apply the discount to the invoice.
Additional international shipping locations upon request. I return all international shipping above $1.
Please contact me for financial assistance (layaway, payments) if needed. We will work together to put art on your walls.
Please keep in mind that I also barter. On the sidebar is a wish list from Amazon. You don't need to use Amazon but the items listed are the ones I'm looking for. I'm specifically interested in the wood burning set that I can use with encaustic art. The set is good for wood, soldering and wax work. That's at the top of the list. 🙂
How does bartering work? Basically, you buy the item and send it to me. I pack up the art piece(s) you chose with corresponding price and send it to you. Easy as that. Contact me and we'll set up our agreement.
Adopt art. Take it home and love it.
I never used to have sales but these are so fun. The prospect of someone taking advantage of the sale just makes me happy. I need to work on banners and such but you can expect to see more sales. This is fun.
Happy shopping!! 🙂
Live free. Create well.
I'm still awake. I was saying a prayer before bed where I talked to God about how hard it is to say I love you even to him. I have a hard time hearing others say, "I love you." Most of the time terms of endearment irritate the snot out of me. Hun, sweetie, yuck! "I love you" will make me recoil with mistrust.
My mother told me if I didn't change my ways I'd end up like my Aunty S and die alone and unlovable. How dare she? I was told early on that I was killing her love for me. I was killing my mother's ability to love me. When younger, my sister would catch me as I walked around the corner, hit me in the stomach and say, "love hurts." She tried to tell me in better ways but it ended up being awkward. "I'd tell you I love you but you'd just do something to make me regret it." At the time I couldn't hear past the words.
Here I am at 5:53 in the morning, hours after saying a prayer, and I'm still awake because of how three words feel on my ears. To hear someone say those three words feels like a shackle has just been put on me. ...continue reading "A hard time with the words “I love you”"
These are recent entries in my personal sketchbook. They're mindscapes - an artists version of a CAT scan.
I've done my best to toss out the notion that I must create something beautiful. I have to stop feeling as if I must please viewers with a masterpiece or outdo myself. I have to stop thinking and let myself paint. It's been a challenge but I'm getting better.
These are photographs. When I take them out of the sketchbook I'll scan them then put them on the working wall (the wall that holds all current projects) so I can grab and do more whenever I am able.
Well, that was heavy. I felt relieved after writing that story. Reading over it I'm able to see how close I stuck to reality. I'll put this to bed after I process why I said there's a reflection of me in each character in the story Tea for Christopher.
Content: Physical abuse of a young child. Processing the previous entry. No sexual abuse mentioned or discussed.
I'm primarily Christopher in the story who tries to manage the unmanageable. I had Christopher leave home just the way I did, an unplanned exit on a night of routine abuse. I couldn't do it another night, not another second. I left Feb 2, 1992 at 10:30 pm and I never went back home. I went to a hotel that evening then got up to go to work. I never went back home.
Just like with Christopher, I did watch my little brother beaten with a dowel rod. Just like in the story, he was held down with one hand by my mother and beaten with a dowel rod until he was no longer even screaming. I walked away and left him with that monster. A few days later he was removed from our home by Child Protective Services. I felt so broken by that loss.
It is safe to say, the story Tea for Christopher was triggered by what happened the other night outside my window.
Ruby, the mother
It's interesting that the mother wasn't given a name until about the middle of the story. I realized I kept calling her 'his mother'. I didn't think too hard about a name for her but I immediately rejected Diamond. Now, the name Ruby seems appropriate only because of the color.
Why am I the mother in the story? I see how much my life revolved around creating situations that would appease my abuser while ignoring myself and my needs. An abused child is always at the beck and call of the abuser, there is no time for anything else.
I never told her, but I apologized in my heart for being a bad daughter. Though my mother left us repeatedly (a few days tops) there was a constant threat of being sent to the orphanage where my grandfather grew up. She was neglectful in criminal ways. Abandonment issues are still a huge problem for me. ...continue reading "Thoughts on Tea for Christopher"
Art without a wall of its own is sad. "Young Joker" waited a little bit for the right wall to come along and it did. Packaged ever so carefully, this special art piece will travel to its destiny via US Postal System. It's a happy day when art gets adopted.
"Young Joker" is a rainbow dance around a patch of white flowers. Wrapped in the landscape are several who are finding their way through the meadow. A black bird takes the same path.
Art Title: Young Joker
Art by: Faith Magdalene Austin
Size: 8.5 × 5.5
Media: Marker, acrylic
Finish: signed on front and back, unmounted, not framed
Paintings that compliment "Young Joker" can be seen in the below gallery and are available via Etsy or PayPal invoice. See the sidebar for details.
Give art a home.
Feed a starving artist. Seriously, I could use a sandwich 🙂