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According to my sketchbook, I've had unrelenting anxiety for a little over a month. It's really getting to me. These two art pieces were worked on to help ease things.

The piece cluster shows a checkered flag, a flag used to signify winning the race. I don't feel like I'm winning this battle at all.

Visitation is currently in black and white. It's a mindscape piece such as those in the series called Forty Years in the Wilderness. A mindscape is a snapshot of the inside of my head. Sometimes the images are livable, manageable, other times ... not so much.

Mindscape - 40 years in the wilderness

Tomorrow at 1:30 I go in to see Dr. D. I nearly canceled it because I'm having a hard time sitting. My sciatic nerve is acting up. I've done a lot of stretching to get it to ease up. I've taken the new medications, especially the muscle relaxer, but its not budging. I think we're going on three weeks now with this nerve constantly throbbing. It adds to the anxiety. It's like a dull ache, the kind that drives you crazy.  It may not be the most painful thing in the world but it, like my anxiety, is unrelenting and that's what makes it so hard to deal with, it just doesn't stop.

I'm going to take Clyde out one more time then go to sleep. I'm so happy he's here. I love that he wants to be close by me. I need that. His ears are so soft. He's adorable.

I miss Mary Jane and hate that she died.

fma

The Resilience Tree
Resilience Tree

Resilience Tree - Beginnings
Resilience Tree - Beginnings

Resilience Tree - Risen
Resilience Tree -Risen

We have not seen the last of the Resilience Trees. Next year's creative goals includes a tree a day. I look forward to starting January 1st in a special book just for trees 🙂

Original art by Faith Magdalene Austin is available through PayPal or Etsy. All contact information is on the sidebar. Thank you for visiting Sundrip.

Faith

Original surreal art showing an array of faces, colors, lines and expressive movement.

Art Title: Cacophony: Head Noise
Art by: Faith Magdalene Austin
Size: 8.5 x 5.5
Media: Mixed, acrylic, marker on 98 lb sketchbook paper
Finish: signed, dated, heat sealed, unmounted, raw
Style: Surreal, Illustration

Faith

I'm not your Problem Girl anymore.

Problem Girl
Problem Girl - Redbubble.com

And no, I'm not Silent anymore.

PTSD Silence, I fly -Redbubble prints
Silence Redbubble

Digital art by fma

1

Content: Discussion of child torture and sexual abuse, the affects of emotional abuse, feeling hated during violent abuse, dental appointment

Marked - cropped
watercolor sunflower page

I just thought, I was taught to hate me. I was taught that I don't deserve mercy, so when I think of myself as a child, I feel the contempt that burned beside the torture.

I remember the little girl in the same light my mother put her in. That could be the difference between feeling compassion towards other survivors but struggling to give it to myself. I don't see other survivors as bad but I remember my young self with the mask they put on her. That mask was created by them. It was created with words like; liar, disgusting, dog, disobedient, disloyal, unlovable, laughingstock, disruptive, manipulative, bad things happen because of me. Then there's the one that gets me. She said, You'll do anything with your mouth. She'd say it with a mocking giggle. ...continue reading "Taking off her mask. Who will she be?"

3

I'm still on the hunt for a psychiatrist for better med management. I'm using a few different resources to manage the depression and anxiety now, one resource being art.

I doodle because it makes me happy. I doodle because I'm anxious. I doodle because I'm bored. I'm a doodle bug.

These were done while in bed. Some are in my art journal while others are in altered art books.

It's been difficult to move around so I've stayed close to my the bed. The watercolor pens pen is so helpful. I can move beyond colored pencils and crayons. I still use those but I like having watercolors, too. ...continue reading "Doodle. Art and Anxiety. Creative Endeavors."

Spark
Double Therapy Page

Spark: Fire and Water now has a wall of its own. Soon it will be safely packaged up and sent on its journey.

Spark: Fire and Water is an art journal, two page spread that was offered in my Etsy shop.

Sparks of color fly as her eyes open wide to take in and hold all that grows around her. A signature of Sundrip is to have many hidden faces and objects that are seemingly random. This journal piece most certainly has the Sundrip signature along with bold chaos in color.

What will you see in this raw, collage art? You will see fragmented flowers, hair like waves of the sea, a blue girl. You'll see lines cross, curve and circle around holding tiny human figures. Crosshatch and stripes meet checkers and poles, then bring your eye back to the girl in the middle with doodles on her lips.

Two page collage and drawings in my art journal.

Faith

2

available as prints see sidebarWhen I'm anxious I make small terrariums in glass jars. I make dry flower arrangements from flowers I've purchased or flowers donated by friends. I often get a years worth of lavender from a friend when she cuts hers back. I love that stuff. Thank goodness I don't have allergies.

I have all kinds of terrariums and terrarium supplies, stuff I wanted to add to my Etsy shop. I haven't added them because I have no idea how to ship them so I've started offering them locally. So far so good. I love getting my hands in that soil, placing driftwood, hand picked stones and tiny little plants into little landscapes.

I've struggled with depression recently, depression that feels too heavy to manage alone. Today I made a bit of extra effort to get out of bed and get into something productive which meant working with the fish and terrariums.

I've turned a 6 drawer wooden dresser into a feature garden with some of the drawers holding garden supplies like gloves, planters and terrarium supplies. ...continue reading "Getting My Hands Dirty"

On sale now are all items in my Etsy shop and items in my Available Art Galleries until August 4th, 2017.

Color RushI'm having a sale so I can spend money in August. 🙂 I gotta buy art supplies. In other words, I'm selling art to make art.

August is the month I stock up on art supplies for the entire year. Also, I'm going to Goodwill on August 2nd to purchase some exercise equipment, among other things.

There are some fun new listings in my Etsy shop. I've put together two or three art pieces in one listing for one price. You'll find these lot listings throughout the shop.

At check out on Etsy, use coupon code ArtForArtSale17 for 25% off your total purchase until August 4th, 2017. If you would like to have a PayPal invoice, I will apply the discount to the invoice.

Trees Lot Art SaleAdditional international shipping locations upon request. I return all international shipping above $1.
Please contact me for financial assistance (layaway, payments) if needed. We will work together to put art on your walls.

Please keep in mind that I also barter. On the sidebar is a wish list from Amazon. You don't need to use Amazon but the items listed are the ones I'm looking for. I'm specifically interested in the wood burning set that I can use with encaustic art. The set is good for wood, soldering and wax work. That's at the top of the list. 🙂

Blue Wonder How does bartering work? Basically, you buy the item and send it to me. I pack up the art piece(s) you chose with corresponding price and send it to you. Easy as that. Contact me and we'll set up our agreement.

Adopt art. Take it home and love it.

I never used to have sales but these are so fun. The prospect of someone taking advantage of the sale just makes me happy. I need to work on banners and such but you can expect to see more sales. This is fun.

Happy shopping!! 🙂

Live free. Create well.
Sundrip

5

I'm still awake. I was saying a prayer before bed where I talked to God about how hard it is to say I love you even to him. I have a hard time hearing others say, "I love you." Most of the time terms of endearment irritate the snot out of me. Hun, sweetie, yuck! "I love you" will make me recoil with mistrust.

My mother told me if I didn't change my ways I'd end up like my Aunty S and die alone and unlovable. How dare she? I was told early on that I was killing her love for me. I was killing my mother's ability to love me. When younger, my sister would catch me as I walked around the corner, hit me in the stomach and say, "love hurts." She tried to tell me in better ways but it ended up being awkward. "I'd tell you I love you but you'd just do something to make me regret it." At the time I couldn't hear past the words.

Here I am at 5:53 in the morning, hours after saying a prayer, and I'm still awake because of how three words feel on my ears. To hear someone say those three words feels like a shackle has just been put on me.  ...continue reading "A hard time with the words “I love you”"

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