Monday was one of the hardest days I've had in a while. It started off with nightmares that stayed with me for much of the day. I tried to go back to bed to start over but had yet another nightmare. Then as planned, I got myself together, got on my horse (wheelchair) and left the house despite mega pain. I went to the shoe store and cried my eyes out in the store unexpectedly. I had no idea the grief would hit me right there in DSW but it did and there I sat crying in my chair in front of people. I felt like a fool.
Later I went to the post office to send out art only to discover that it was Columbus Day, no mail. That would have been fine except I was already at my max of stress and physical pain. Then later the big worry happened, I fell. ...continue reading "Surviving to Eke out Gratitude"
Here's a quick look at some of the art that is still looking for a wall of it's own.
The Young Violinist
Resilience Tree – Risen
Where can I purchase original Sundrip art?
Original artwork can be purchased directly from this website Sundrip.com by using PayPal or from my Etsy shop. The Etsy shop no longer offers prints.
Where can I buy Sundrip prints?
You may purchase prints from my Redbubble shop. If there's a print you want but it does not appear in the Redbubble shop please contact me and I'll put it in there. At this time I only offer prints from my Redbubble shop.
Please click the Galleries link for Frequently Asked Questions and other information.
Thank you for visiting SUNDRIP - Art for Life
I understand that my biological response to many things is still as if my body is fighting like when I was abused or when I was having medical trauma from a young age. My adrenal system fights so hard, as if it has to, still. All that adrenaline causes anxiety because I'm still trying to run despite there being no where to run. I feel trapped in my anxiety.
I sometimes respond strong emotionally when I don't mean to.
Right now I'm feeling very stressed by things: stressed about the CNA situation and about not having frogs. I know it sounds so insane that I'd be stressed without frogs but I'm stressed without something to care for, fuss over and love. There's nothing here to love! ...continue reading "Anxiety and Fight or Flight"
It's been one of those days where all I've done is sleep and paint. I got in a good meal, sat down at the table with candle light and everything, yet my heart is desperate and forlorn.
I want to cut. I wont but the desire is there to shred my arms up.
When I don't paint I don't cope. Painting is a huge coping skill for me. Now that I've started painting again I've started feeling more. I felt a lot before but was sort of holding up a wall to shield myself from it. ...continue reading "I’m Not Crazy Yet"
It was a packed session. We started off talking about what took place in the hospital yesterday. I was given news that should have made me happy but I can't seem to trust it. I'm still 'stage four' Lupus with issues associated with my kidneys and vascular system but the medications are working very well and have stabilized me. I have no new blood clots. I still have a lot of nerve damage but I can walk and that is something they weren't positive would happen. There's still a long way to go with my nerves healing which means I hurt quite a bit, but I am stable and out of the woods.
I told Big E, my Oncologist, that I want to be happy about the news but I'm still shell shocked. I said, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He said, I know, I was there. When he said that I wanted to cry. I was so happy he said it. He was there, every single solitary day for three months he showed up by my bedside. Week days and weekends Big E was in my room checking on me, three months straight! ...continue reading "Therapy Review: Stability. Forgiveness. Gratitude."
The first CNA they sent me didn't work out. I'm not sure what the company was thinking. Here's the text sent to a friend who is still in the nursing home dealing with CNA's, nurses and roommates from hell.
"Oh Lord! My new CNA is 70 years old. I was like, what? Who sends a 70 year old woman to help a person in a wheelchair? It's her job so I'm not holding back. I have her act as my legs. I like her but I have a feeling she'll quit by winter. She says the laundry room from my apartment is too far to walk and the trash cans are so far they might as well be in a different zip code. lol My thought? Stop being a CNA BEFORE the age of 70 or don't complain about the distance you've got to walk. 70! They can't be serious. Thank goodness I know CPR. I may have to do it on her aged self after she gets back from the trash.
Update: They're sending me a younger CNA Monday morning, 8 am. We'll see how that goes. lol. The 70 yr old CNA and I talked frankly about her inability to handle my case. Crazy to send her to me."
You know what I always worry about? How will she feel about seeing my little nub, the amputation site? Will she be grossed out? Is it ugly to her? Am I ugly to her? The thought now is, it's not ugly, it just is what it is, but it's not ugly. I'm not ugly because I've had an amputation. Slowly, I've gone from ashamed of the amputation to 'just' being a bit self conscious. Lets hope that a CNA is used to seeing such things because I have such things. Then again, I'd hate to whip it out - Bamb! - then have her pass out on my floor. ...continue reading "CNA and Self Confidence"
Journaling until I'm blue in the face. Work in progress.
"Someone Else" in watercolor and acrylic. All work shown is on 8.5 x 5.5 paper.
"Froggie Smiles". These are photographs. I'm looking forward to scanning so these look right. This is much darker than the actual painting. I'm working on the details of all these pieces. Once I have the colors in mind it doesn't take long to finish.
This last one was created for the sole purpose of testing out new paints. It's a paint pallet sheet. Sometimes when I just need to draw but there's nothing specific to do, I draw lines on paper this way and wait to use it later to test paint or clean brushes.
Fifteen days total but halfway through I began to lose myself to the constant and extreme pain. My medication cocktail sometimes caused me to see dragons and aliens. I'd been in intensive care for the bilateral pulmonary embolism and life threatening blood clots. I was about to begin a chapter of life I'll never forget, one that has left physical scars and emotional pain. What I've decided to do is express some of those experiences through art.
The first experience in multi media is called Three Birds.
Half way through ICU care I was losing it. The doctors worried I'd have to go on dialysis. My kidneys were shutting down, my heart was in trouble too. I was in trouble and I knew it so I asked my God, "Are you with me?" I needed to know if He knew his servant needed his comfort and approval....continue reading "Three Birds"