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Finding artwork created by alter personalities used to happen quite a bit. I thought it was strictly a thing of the past but I guess I was wrong. It would seem that I still find art I don't know a thing about. I was quite shocked to see the piece called My Sister in the middle of the entry Half of Us and All.  That piece is by Michelle and I have no recollection of it. I was relieved to see it though because I thought the only thing I am no capable of is abstract images in black and white. I thought I was all arted out or something. So when I saw her drawing and several of Robert's drawings, I was quite pleased that we've still got some art images in us to put on paper. I'm not going to press it though. If all I can do is put ink on paper from corner to corner like in this entry then so be it. If other times I paint or draw something more 'substantial' then that's fine, too.

black white african fma Sundrip

Dr. D and I talked about my creative goals for next year. My goal is simple which means its going to be difficult. My goal is to have some fun, just let it be. That's what I intend to do. I'm not going to force myself to create anything. I'm not going to nag myself or get down on myself. I create what I create. I paint what I paint. 

I am also in a newer financial situation. For the first time in about ten years its not imperative that I sell art each month. My rent is affordable now.

Though I no longer get government assistance with food, I am at least able to budget the same amount I used to get so that my food purchases don't need to change just because the money source did. Well, I shouldn't say I don't get foodstamps any longer. I get $15.00 each month for food from the government. I look at that number and just laugh. How did they come to that amount? I knew with rent so low I'd lose quite a few foodstamps but $15 is insulting. Even so, things are much easier now, financially speaking. Things got bad for a minute there. 

Dr. D wanted to know if the subject matter of my art will change with stresses lower and with my goal of fun in mind. No. I doubt it. My art changes when something emotional happens in my life. The subject of my art changes when an alter paints instead of me or that alter is in therapy. Michelle (age 12) is taking some of the time for her stuff our in office sessions. Robert used to do that but hasn't since we got sick last time. He's sort of in a managerial position inside and is doing his very best to keep us all on the same page with things running smoothly. He's busy keeping us sane, taking meds and dealing with CNA stuff. I'm happy to see he's sketching and painting in the book. I'll scan that next week. For now I just have black and white ink work which is art worked on by several of us. I have no intention of adding color. 

This goal of creative fun is of interest to me because it comes at the tail end the honeymoon of my post hospitalization. I can tell I'm still very shocked and traumatized by what happened so it interests me that I would say I just want to have some fun. I don't want to worry about producing something worthy of showing on the blog. I want the weight of my own criticism and expectations to no longer crush my creative process and enjoyment. I want to go with the flow more. I don't want to see this as my job. Yeah, it is my job. I paint and sell my artwork and dolls. This is my employment, but never should I burden myself or load myself with unreachable expectations. So, lets see what stress I can throw off in 2019. Lets see if I can allow myself to have some creative fun. 

Because my plate is full and I'm a bit overwhelmed with life, I've only set the one creative goal for 2019. I usually do three but not for the coming year. 

Jordan

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Storied
Storied

I understand that my biological response to many things is still as if my body is fighting like when I was abused or when I was having medical trauma from a young age. My adrenal system fights so hard, as if it has to, still. All that adrenaline causes anxiety because I'm still trying to run despite there being no where to run. I feel trapped in my anxiety.

I sometimes respond strong emotionally when I don't mean to.

Right now I'm feeling very stressed by things: stressed about the CNA situation and about not having frogs. I know it sounds so insane that I'd be stressed without frogs but I'm stressed without something to care for, fuss over and love. There's nothing here to love! ...continue reading "Anxiety and Fight or Flight"

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I knew who i was this morningIt's been one of those days where all I've done is sleep and paint. I got in a good meal, sat down at the table with candle light and everything, yet my heart is desperate and forlorn.

I want to cut. I wont but the desire is there to shred my arms up.

When I don't paint I don't cope. Painting is a huge coping skill for me. Now that I've started painting again I've started feeling more. I felt a lot before but was sort of holding up a wall to shield myself from it. ...continue reading "I’m Not Crazy Yet"

See VolumesI'm hesitant to publish work like this because of the dark lines and how packed it is, full of images, but it represents my head in an accurate way. It shows the full, always thinking, always moving, nearly manic thought processes inside my head. Why would I hesitate to post that type of truth in art but feel free to do so in words? I don't fear any kind of judgement with words I use. I don't expect anyone to tell me to lighten up or make my words pretty, but I can't seem to forget those who have told me to do that with my art.

Posting it is a way of shutting up the negativity in my head. I like this piece. I like the activity in it. I like the color against the black. I like the twists in it. I like the orange and I like the hidden people at the top, on the left side and at the bottom. I'm posting it and my head can just shut up about it! ...continue reading "See Volumes. Art Confidence."

Needed: HP 61 Black Ink Cartridge for HP desk jet 1512. Will trade for art.

See Amazon wish list for specific details on the cartridge.
www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/22P3DQ2HFF80Y/

Email me for barter details. Contact info is on the sidebar. 🙂

Thanks,
Faith

SOLD

SOLD

I changed my tea painting and added a short
quote. I couldn't help myself. I like it better this way. I think it would look great in an all white frame but there wasn't one on the framing program used.

"Where there's tea there's hope" is a small painting of 4 inches by 6 inches. It's created in watercolor and ink and is on 98lb paper. The details on the flower and cup are easier to see in person.

I've also been playing with acrylic and rubbing alcohol. I cleaned my brushes of acrylic paint on a 4 x 7 piece of cardstock then went back and treated the paper with the 91 percent alcohol. I sprayed some it as well as dropped some. I swirled the paper and let it drip until I saw a pattern I liked.

I can save this textured abstract piece for later as pull art or for a collage. I could add a small cut out from my huge stash. Who knows what the cut out would be. I've got everything from figures to flowers to trees and animals, all from art that didn't work out but that had parts worth saving. I use my x-acto knife and save what can be saved for projects just like this. The other thing is, I can leave it just the way it is and frame it as a temporary piece of art just to look at for a little while. I tend to do that. I switch up art on a wall in the living room making the wall an ever changing, energized display of color and texture.

Here are a few pieces in currently hanging in my living room on the art wall.

Faith

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The Little ViolinistIt was to be a little girl in a red dress but it didn't quite turn out that way.

I realized early on that I am attached emotionally to this painting and that I wish to keep it for myself. Knowing I'm color sensitive, I changed the bright colors to those I can hang on my wall and see regularly. I had to tone it down.

As I toned down bright colors, I decided to allow the turquoise hair to be wild, almost crazy. I put a layer of brown over the skin but other colors still come through. As I scratched along adding turquoise and dark orange instead of bright yellow and bright red, I caught of glimpse of this wild girl holding a violin. And that's the moment the painting changed from emotion I could handle to a complete stand still. ...continue reading "The Unexpected Violin"

What can a broke girl like me do for my neighbors in need?

  • I can donate to food pantries. Food pantries are going to divert their stock to areas in need, which may at times cause hardship for locals in need. I can look in my pantry for anything I can spare and donate it.  I'll come back to this in a second.
  • I can offer cash in the form of $1 or less. If a dollar is all I can spare at the time then a dollar is what I will donate. A dollar here and there adds up and can go far if managed by a reputable relief effort.
  • Girls and boys will need items to help them pass the time while they and their families try to rebuild their lives. Children of all ages will need more than the basics of life. I will think hard about what can be done on a personal level. My first thought is, there are artists out there without a pad and pencil. I know they're just losing it. I would be.
  • I'd like to be connected to a family through a secure channel and send them small care packages. That will be possible later in the relief effort.
  • I can encourage others during this time of national and international distress. I may not speak to them concerning Biblical hope, but I can be encouraging by validating their experience and being a listening ear.

...continue reading "My Neighbors in Texas, Florida, Puerto Rico and Mexico"

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I have a commission that I'm doing for a friend. It sounded fun when she brought it up but I was also apprehensive because I don't do commission work well. It's difficult for me to translate onto canvas, a vision that isn't mine. It's even difficult for me to duplicate art that I created. If the emotion has already been put on canvas, the chances of me being able to do that work again with life and texture is all but zero. Soooo, I asked my friend if I could have free artistic reign and she said yes. I was like, oh, she has no idea what those magic words mean.

She let me loose in a candy store. She gave me a brush, took me to Hobby Lobby and said, do as you will. (eyes rolling in the back of my head)

Giving me free creative reign could be considered reckless. There was one incident when I was last given the magic words, an incident that we shall not speak of because it's still in litigation. But just like I told the judge, I didn't know that stuff was flammable. lol..... I'm kidding. ...continue reading "Hold on! She said the magic words."

Gloria ( Éponine ) - SOLD
Gloria ( Éponine ) - SOLD

When I painted little Gloria I was thinking about the production Les Miserable, about Éponine specifically. That character touches me. She loves intensely but quietly. She needs to be recognized yet she is always in the shadows. She has mastered her environment but her heart has been shielded from decay. She's rough and fragile, equally.

Good news. The painting Gloria is being packaged to travel half way across the United States to a wall waiting just for her.

Although the original has been placed, you can purchase prints from my Redbubble shop in the section for children. Please see the sidebar for the Redbubble link.

I love moments like this, I really do. ...continue reading "Gloria and Éponine"

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