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10 pm
My right leg is still swollen but it doesn't hurt nearly as much as it did yesterday. I'm still wearing compression socks.

I fell asleep shortly after writing my last entry. I've been sleeping for a very, very long time, all day and night. I got up to use the restroom. I got up to feed the cat and take medication, other than that I've been sleeping. I couldn't keep my eyes open.

11:48 pm
I went for an orange and got distracted. I cleaned the kitchen and vacuumed the floors. I had an orange, water and some tea.

Yesterday evening was scary because I wasn't sure I'd wake up today. I jotted a quick note to my friend Snow and closed my eyes. The leg was really bad yesterday.

One of the best things for edema is activity. I need to increase blood flow. I also need to be conscious of what I eat. I don't take a lot of sodium but at this time it's best to be even more careful with it. My stretches will be important. My vascular issues are Lupus related which means the root of the problem is in my blood and immune system. If I am to have any impact on this I'll have to do it from the inside out. I have to get that turmeric, ginger and black pepper back in me on a regular basis. I have to get cinnamon and garlic back in me as well as organic honey. These are vital. Funny how I can now see how vital it is after having stopped regular intake for nearly two months. ...continue reading "Lupus and edema. Dignity in life. Finding light."

Dr D called Friday around 11 am. I spoke to him briefly. He wanted to apologize and say that he has an opening next Friday for me to come in for a session. I then got dressed to go to the grocery store. My pain level has been high all day, high enough that I've taken pain meds three times. That's not normal for me.

Emotionally I'm raw. I'm physically tired. My right leg is good and swollen the way it used to look before I was on blood thinners. I don't have a blood clot but I need to remember to drink my teas daily. That's a strange thing to say but my depression has been deep with self care and normal activities taking a back seat.

...continue reading "Not an ordinary day"

I've looked around at apartments to see what will be available to me come June. It's not just that my landlord is despicable and thoroughly tests my faith, it's that this place is now well out of my financial abilities. That's too bad bc I would have dealt with the landlord situation.

I'm looking for an apartment with central heat and central air. I don't have that here. One of the things about CRSD and even Lupus is that we have to keep our body temperature pretty even. A window air conditioner doesn't do that nor do base board heaters. It's too cold for me in the living room but too hot for Jane in the bedroom so she's out there most of the time.

I haven't had tea parties this summer as planned bc of pain issues. I've been able to make greeting cards for people but I don't feel as though I've done the type of giving I wish to do. At the moment I'd have an angry self to offer which isn't that great, but I think there's a sense of loss because I've not been able to have the kids over or any families over. That was to be a big part of my summer and fall. ...continue reading "Home. Pets. Health."

I went to bed but I didn't get to sleep until about 5 am. I sketched and painted the whole time.

While having the most beautifully brewed cup of tea you've ever tasted, my friends proclaimed the painting a total success. They said its the single greatest painting in the history of paintings.

I got up to take meds but didn't get up for good until 3:30 pm Sunday afternoon.  I needed that sleep. I said I needed one thing off my plate to feel like I can keep going. I was never specific about what I needed because I didn't know. I also haven't asked for a certain amount of time that it stay off my plate. Each day will have its own anxiety. I just need to make sure my plate isn't so full all the time that I can't bear the weight. I was able to rest which makes carrying today's plate a bit easier.

I checked the news. (shakes head) Honestly, when I saw the bit about Trump and family pardons, I laughed. Trump's intense, fiery hatred for all things right and moral may be the greatest cause of global warming. His nut job, narcissistic antics will, in the end, harm him and those who are around him. You are who your friends are. If you hang with good people you'll fare better.

I've got an easy dinner in the convection oven and a cup of Earl Grey and lavender waiting for me. My late evening will end with a nice bath and more sketching. For the sake of sanity, getting an update on world news has been cancelled.


Let the River Wash Over Me - SOLD - Redbubble prints available Snow and her husband were here today but I wasn't able to get up and greet them. They did what they came to do and left. I've been here in bed most of the day. I checked the news and got on FB for a minute. My body is screaming, even my scalp hurts. The weather is changing and that's a problem.

I'm not depressed right now just in, 'here we go again' mode. Some call it self pity and that's fine. I was in bed thinking, the rest of the world is living but I'm hugging the wall in bed with a voice inside saying,, 'help me.'

It occurred to me that I should contact the doctor that diagnosed the CRSD to see if he can assist in any way. ...continue reading "Low stimulation, high emotion, high pain level"

Finding Up - The view from down hereThis evening I'll go to services at the Hall but at half point I'll be taken home by another Lupie. She's part of the group I work with. I would like to stay for the entire meeting but I know I'm not physically up to it.

When I go to the Kingdom Hall I sometimes sit in the auditorium with everyone else but there have been times when my pain level has risen to the point that I need to lie down, in which case I go to the library and roll out my exercise mat. This is the photo from the floor of the room.

No, you won't find me back there doing leg stretches. It's just more comfortable using the purple mat on top of the carpet.

I talk a lot about 'yoga' that I do but I should be very clear in that I don't practice yoga. I do stretches that assist in pain relief and build muscles in areas that have weakened due to chronic illness. In that spirit, I was taught several exercises tailored to my health situation. This is important because some of the exercises on line would work against me. Having guidance lets me avoid accidental harm.  ...continue reading "Finding Up. Amateur Herbalist."

I've rested a bit. I've done some reading and spent time with friends. I've managed a few sketches in my notebook and decided to snap a few shots 🙂

Half of Whole

These are two page sketchbook drawing using watercolor and colored pencil. Both have a lot of color but the one just below in grayscale was created with rich earth tones.

Hue Rich Depleted

This is the sketch at the opening of the entry with a PicsArt filter.

Half of Whole Reversed

Though yesterday was physically painful, it wasn't anywhere close to the emotional and physical pain of Monday. Today continues to be quiet. I intend to do very light housekeeping and to study a little bit for a meeting on Wednesday.

A small dinner is in the convection oven that automatically turns itself off. I'm having a pork chop and green beans with potatoes. I also have a tiny little dessert made primarily of ladyfingers, heavy whipping cream, a tad bit of cocoa and amaretto.

...continue reading "Art and Laying Around"

I don't think Monday can get here fast enough.

This entry is going to get personal.

I feel my brain doing everything it can to run from remembering the other day in pain.

There's a problem one many on these meds know all too well. The meds make your stomach like cement. I could eat fresh spinach daily, eat fresh fruits daily, flax, flaxseed, straight up fiber daily and it would still be cement. That's a problem.

When I have one of those episodes where I spasm repeatedly from under my breast line to my knees, I end up vomiting and there's a chance I'm going to lose my bowels even if what's being moved is stone. This is painful. Chronic anal fissure is painful.  ...continue reading "Lupus and Restroom Issues"


It hasn't even been a year since I was diagnosed with CRSD.

CRSD extreme sweatingThis isn't normal sweating. It's not a hotflash, it's a 10 min or so flush of water in excess of what the body needs to cool itself. This episode lasted long enough that I decided to photograph it. Noteworthy is that I'm standing beside the air conditioner when this episode took place.

There's no certain time of day, no specific weather conditions I've tracked and no relation to hotflashes related to the change. Those hotflashes feel very different.

When it comes to extreme, excessive sweating and CRSD, I don't necessarily feel hot. What I feel is a sudden change, maybe a tad bit light headed and then the downpour. ...continue reading "CRSD and Extreme Sweating * Strong today. Strong tomorrow."

My therapist called around 7:30 pm yesterday evening. We talked for just a moment. I thought I would be able to fall back to sleep but I stayed awake until 3 am which meant I was hungry. I didn't expect to keep anything down but I did.

Flashback. I had a flash in my head just now of being beaten with the dowel rod as a teen. This would have been somewhere between the 9th and 10th grade. I was lying flat on my stomach protecting my face and hands. Sometimes when she beat me like that and the pain got to mind breaking point, I'd ask for a break. I'd tell her I couldn't take anymore and would roll facing up. She'd stop hitting and stand there with the dowel rod. I'm not good with time but I think I got less than 5 min before she needed to start again. She'd say, "Come on." and motion for me to turn back over. I did.

In my present physical health situation, I do not get to 'roll over' and say I need a break. But when I get a reprieve my goal is to take advantage of every opportunity to supercharge.

...continue reading "Physical transition and strong flashback of abuse"

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