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6

I need a blog entry so I've decided to interview myself. The questions and answers are off the top of my head. I'll do 5 questions.

Question: Faith, what have you done this week to improve your quality of life?

Answer: Wow. That's tough. Off the top of my head I'd say I have worked on better accepting the amputation this week. I've been doing some encouraging reading and feel a little more hopeful about things.

Question: What have you done in the past week as an act of self kindness?

Answer: I've let go of my mistakes. When mistakes have been made I've quieted the cruel, crushing voice in my head that shames me. The nicest thing I can do for me is to speak to myself kindly.

Question: What do you think about Dr L, the surgeon?

Answer: I find him intriguing but he makes me nervous. I can't tell if he's angry. I have a need to please him and follow instructions for my foot 'just so'. I don't want to disappoint him. I always forget what he looks like until I see him. There's a great deal of trust in him concerning my foot. There's a need to put up a wall between me and him. I'd say I'm all over the map with him. The man cut off my toes, I assure you my feelings are complex.

Question: Are you going to date again, do you have someone in mind?

Answer: Yes. I've been thinking about dating again. There's no one in mind at the moment.

Question: Why do you want to date?

Answer: I want the fairy tale. I want to get old with someone. I want to sit on the porch and watch the birds, read together, have tea together and be happy. I want to be past youthfulness, past childbearing years and more settled in who I am. I want him to be past the crazy years, working through midlife crisis and settled in who he is. I hope I can find him.

After answering these questions there's one thing that stands out, I'm future oriented. I think a lot about what I want and how I want to feel. Also, I think a lot. Lol

Things I'm grateful for this week 

  1. I think it's super cool that Dr L is treating the amputation site with medical honey.
  2. I've been moved to the rehab section of the nursing center which is much more lively and very much what I need to stay on the healing path.
  3. I had a lavender and hemp foot soak on the left foot. It was great.
  4. I can reach down to my feet and put on my own socks. I only put a sock on the left for now.
  5. I am back to transferring myself from the wheelchair to the restroom on my own. I'm back to being able to get dressed on my own. It feels good!
  6. The nurse finally gave me a razor to shave my mustache. I was 2 whiskers away from changing my name to Steve. Thank goodness for razors.

Faith

Dear Head,

We aren't friends today. Your behavior has divided us, putting a rift and a scar in an already shakey relationship. At this very second I can't tell the world all you've done because my body is attacking me with the strongest sleep spell I've ever felt. This half awake, druling, snoring, head bobbing, heavy eyed fight has been lost. I'm captive with no choice but to surrender. However, when I'm released, I'm going to tell them everything. I'm going to spill my guts and tell the world how you, brain, tried your best to depress, discourage and break me. I'm going to tell them everything as soon as my body releases me.

Lupus fatigue & depression, bites.

Teach Her How to Grow If ever I needed to hear a mother's wise voice it's now. For many women, we don't have the option of calling mom to ask midlife questions. We end up spinning out here, losing our minds, not understanding that there's a logical explanation for what's going on.

I have laughed at older women and thought they were making too much of hot flashes and such but here I sit at the beginning of what can only be described at hell and I am not laughing. Who knew that perimenopause and menopause would make me feel crazy? ...continue reading "A Mother’s Knowledge – The Menopause Talk"

Where There's Tea There's Hope Copyright SundripI did it. I went to meet with the two people I'll write letters with for the winter project. It went very well. I had sweet potato pie and Kenyan tea.

I didn't drop a tear, didn't show anxiety too much.

We discussed topics to include in the letters and how to address some of the elderly individuals. I used my special calligraphy style pen gifted to me. 🙂

I'd already started the winter project two weeks ago when my friend got the flu. Recently I got a response from a letter. It blew me away. All it said was, "I love you. Thank you so much." That was the response I got from a home bound person who received a letter from me two weeks ago.  If nothing else makes me smile, that certainly does.

SOLD Where There's Tea There's Hope

I once said that what I intend to do with my training is encourage people professionally. I got laughed at when I said that. The people who get letters aren't laughing but my heart smiles thinking that I could be part of something that  matters. This is part of my reason for waking up.

Faith

2

It's raining, my least favorite weather condition. Man I hate water. I was supposed to work on that this year but other things took center stage.

This morning when I saw the rain I put the covers over my head and refused to budge, however, Clyde needed to go out so get up I did. Its funny because as soon as I opened the door he decided he could hold it. I thought, oh heck no. I got up, got dressed, buddy, you're getting wet. I felt bad for him though so we came in after completing half his business.

Yesterday was Tuesday which means I should have made fresh bread but that didn't happen.

This morning I wanted French toast or maybe an omelet but I settled for candy corn and coffee. ...continue reading "Indecision. Starting Over."

5

Clydesdale is here to live. Let us hope all goes as well as it is now.

Clydesdale Austin
Clydesdale Austin aka Clyde

Clydesdale Austin is a beautiful, solid, well behaved, shy boy. I'm hoping beyond hope this goes as well as I think it will. Just look at that nose, it all but forms the shape of a heart.

Clyde has been very, very well taken care of. He's healthy and strong. We've taken our second walk of the day and he did very, very well.

Sir Clyde came with all his stuff, his bed and pillow, huge, huge dog crate ($$$$$) and an easy lead. This will be good. I have positive feelings about this. ...continue reading "Sir Clyde Dale Austin"

I'm behind on everything. Today I need to complete some reading and write a few things up. I also need to clean my studio area so I can start a painting that is now 10 days behind schedule. The good thing is, I know what I'm painting. There's no need to stress over it.

I'm stressing over the light bill. In 7 days time it's due and I don't have but twenty dollars to my name. It worries me. I don't think I've been in this position in a very long time. I'm going to keep painting, keep sewing and keep praying that my needs will get met. Yeah, I'm worried. ...continue reading "Damage Control and Tea Time"

5

She is ridiculously adorable. This is an addition to the frog's name, not a change. C. Annie Pickle is her name. Chandler Annie Pickle. If you can't tell, I'm so lovin' this frog. Look at those big eyes. My goodness, and those crazy legs of hers. When she jumps and lands she sounds just like those gummy frogs you get out of the machines at the store. There's a splat and smack combo as she lands. I so love frogs and their crazy feet.

Little green Annie is an Australian Tree Frog aka Dumpy Frog. She'll get anywhere from 4.5 inches to 5.5 inches. I intend to get her a friend at some point.

Too, too cute. I'm having way too much fun with this frog.

Green Annie My Chubby frogs are as beautiful as ever, a rich chocolate with gold banding. I'm getting used to their call. At first it was strange to hear them but now I enjoy it. I've heard Annie call twice. 🙂 For a short while the crickets sing then the frogs. This is an orchestra with a song I've come to depend on.

When I first realized Jane was really sick, I moved out to the living room with her. This meant I spent a lot more time observing the terrariums as opposed to just working on them then coming back in the room. I'd like to keep my new observation vantage point. I like watching them move around, snatch bugs in their terrarium and explore their environment. Having a third frog that is primarily a land frog means I can watch plants grow and see the grass fill in places. I'll see their landscape change with time which is a nice thought.

Jordan

For the last year I've battled with the idea of moving. I did make a decision on it. I'm staying put for now. The only way I want to move is if the apartment with all the pluses comes open for me. I'm not stupid, I wouldn't pass up that opportunity, however, moving somewhere else isn't in my best interest at this time.

When I say I'm staying put it means I have to accept a few things; abject poverty and Boil the Bunny landlord. I can do that. I've had as little contact with Boil the Bunny  Landlord as possible. Even though I didn't take a vow of poverty, I believe it made a vow to me.

I know it's difficult here financially but it's my home and I love it. I know my friends have worried about me financially I had to tell them I am not seeking other accommodations. I do not want to move. I know the stairs often keep me captive and its financially hard here, but I am grounded. I am settled and feel a measure of peace in my home, my home...continue reading "Flower power, lace draped, art strong, frog croaking wonderland"

2

I have a commission that I'm doing for a friend. It sounded fun when she brought it up but I was also apprehensive because I don't do commission work well. It's difficult for me to translate onto canvas, a vision that isn't mine. It's even difficult for me to duplicate art that I created. If the emotion has already been put on canvas, the chances of me being able to do that work again with life and texture is all but zero. Soooo, I asked my friend if I could have free artistic reign and she said yes. I was like, oh, she has no idea what those magic words mean.

She let me loose in a candy store. She gave me a brush, took me to Hobby Lobby and said, do as you will. (eyes rolling in the back of my head)

Giving me free creative reign could be considered reckless. There was one incident when I was last given the magic words, an incident that we shall not speak of because it's still in litigation. But just like I told the judge, I didn't know that stuff was flammable. lol..... I'm kidding. ...continue reading "Hold on! She said the magic words."

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