I need a blog entry so I've decided to interview myself. The questions and answers are off the top of my head. I'll do 5 questions.
Question: Faith, what have you done this week to improve your quality of life?
Answer: Wow. That's tough. Off the top of my head I'd say I have worked on better accepting the amputation this week. I've been doing some encouraging reading and feel a little more hopeful about things.
Question: What have you done in the past week as an act of self kindness?
Answer: I've let go of my mistakes. When mistakes have been made I've quieted the cruel, crushing voice in my head that shames me. The nicest thing I can do for me is to speak to myself kindly.
Question: What do you think about Dr L, the surgeon?
Answer: I find him intriguing but he makes me nervous. I can't tell if he's angry. I have a need to please him and follow instructions for my foot 'just so'. I don't want to disappoint him. I always forget what he looks like until I see him. There's a great deal of trust in him concerning my foot. There's a need to put up a wall between me and him. I'd say I'm all over the map with him. The man cut off my toes, I assure you my feelings are complex.
Question: Are you going to date again, do you have someone in mind?
Answer: Yes. I've been thinking about dating again. There's no one in mind at the moment.
Question: Why do you want to date?
Answer: I want the fairy tale. I want to get old with someone. I want to sit on the porch and watch the birds, read together, have tea together and be happy. I want to be past youthfulness, past childbearing years and more settled in who I am. I want him to be past the crazy years, working through midlife crisis and settled in who he is. I hope I can find him.
After answering these questions there's one thing that stands out, I'm future oriented. I think a lot about what I want and how I want to feel. Also, I think a lot. Lol
Things I'm grateful for this week
- I think it's super cool that Dr L is treating the amputation site with medical honey.
- I've been moved to the rehab section of the nursing center which is much more lively and very much what I need to stay on the healing path.
- I had a lavender and hemp foot soak on the left foot. It was great.
- I can reach down to my feet and put on my own socks. I only put a sock on the left for now.
- I am back to transferring myself from the wheelchair to the restroom on my own. I'm back to being able to get dressed on my own. It feels good!
- The nurse finally gave me a razor to shave my mustache. I was 2 whiskers away from changing my name to Steve. Thank goodness for razors.