Touch. Humanity. Therapy.

Published on May 22, 2013 in Anger, Emotions, Lupus Fibromyalgia, Mental Health and PTSD. 0 Comments

I have an incredibly hard time being touched, but twice a week a woman comes here and touches my back. It was like this with the other therapist who did massage. I freaked out a bit then too. I’ll manage it because it needs to be done.

As I told Piper today (Piper is the occupational therapist), as I told her today, I need this to work.

I’ve been in this condition for a year now. I’ve been up and down the scale for a year now, and I am tired. I need something to work, but I dare not put my faith in this. I’m at that bitter point where I think, this is how it is. It’s not going to get any better than this so you’d better figure out how to live at a level 9 pain and figure it out real quick.

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You’re a Strange Boy Mikey Mouse

Published on May 20, 2013 in Art Therapy, Emotions, Gratitude Journal, Love, Lupus Fibromyalgia, Mental Health, Pets and Trust. 0 Comments

under the bush This boy is odd but he’s sweet. I’m used to big dogs not tiny little mice, but I’m getting the hang of it. I thought for a second I might need a Little Dog Support Group but it seems I’m able to manage the huge differences in behavior and energy levels.

I’ve never in my life had a dog who slept on the night stand. The first time I saw him on the nightstand I was alarmed. I’m not sure why but I was like, what on earth?!!!! I’m not quite used to it yet but at least I’m not completely blown away that my dog sits on the nightstand and looks at me just like a cat. Oh me!  Continue reading ‘You’re a Strange Boy Mikey Mouse’

The Pied Piper

Published on May 20, 2013 in Anxiety, Art Therapy, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotions, Lupus Fibromyalgia and Mental Health. 0 Comments

Pied Piper - SOLD

What happens if my neighbors find this blog and find out I have DID? Will they be afraid, distant, not willing to stand and chat with me outside and laugh about silly things? Will they grow distant? Like the nurses I’d have to look them in the eye knowing they know what happened. It’s so much different when someone reads your truth but you never have to look them in the eye. But to see them and know they know, that’s difficult. Supervisor Rachet said she knows I like things in threes. I was like, what the heck? How did you know that? Do you know how far back in the blog that is? I’m like dang, do they know my entire story? I wanted a place for my voice but right now it seems more threatening to have a blog than helpful…yet I write. Continue reading ‘The Pied Piper’

Pain. Good Mood. Letters. Art

Published on May 13, 2013 in Art, Art Therapy, Lupus Fibromyalgia, Mental Health and Therapy. 0 Comments

It hurts to take a shower, nearly takes my breath away with pain when that water hits me. Even though my pain level is high, I’ve felt pretty good emotionally. For the most part I feel okay emotionally.

I got a letter in the mail from a woman I’ve become pen pals with a year ago. I used to hate the idea of having a pen pal. It felt like a lot of pressure, scared me a bit. I met her at the convention in Ohio. She too has chronic pain which is what connected us. She also has issues with being quickly overwhelmed by sound. So far I’ve written two letters and she has written two. I don’t feel like I have to pump out a letter every week, nor does she. I think that was part of my original fear with having a pen pal. Continue reading ‘Pain. Good Mood. Letters. Art’

So called animal lovers

Published on May 13, 2013 in Humor, Mental Health and Pets. 0 Comments

Craigslist - We know dramaI sometimes go to Craiglist just to read the crazy ads. People get on there and fight and name call like some sort of daytime television show. Then there are type that are unbalanced and militant. Those are the ones that scare me. The Indy CL page is better than TV but frightening in that its real. They’re real threats, real people, real possibilities of someone getting hurt. I think they forget the black and white text goes to a living, breathing, being. They fail to realize that they have no idea if that living, breathing being is sane and safe.

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It Feels Like Home. Dr Jekyll. Art

Published on May 6, 2013 in Depression, Emotions, Lupus Fibromyalgia, Mental Health, Pets, PTSD and Trust. 0 Comments

A bit ago I said I’d know I feel at home when I am listening to music and dance with my tea cup in my hand. That happened on Friday evening :-) I was listening to the song Depth over Distance while drinking tea. I finally got the Kenyan tea I wanted. Oh so worth the wait. It’s wonderful. At first I didn’t taste a difference from your regular old Lipton, but then wham! Flavors. It was earthy, tangy with a fruity after taste. That’s the best way I can describe the tea. It’s awesome, awesome! I also purchased Gunpowder Tea and Alwazah Tea.

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Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde

Published on May 4, 2013 in Anxiety, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotions, Forgiveness, Lupus Fibromyalgia and PTSD. 0 Comments

I don’t know. I’m okay I guess. A bit overwhelmed, but okay.

I met with the doctor that I didn’t want to see. It turns out there was 100% miscommunication on both sides. This lack of communication and erroneous information resulted in a patient with PTSD seeing the doctor as a cruel woman with ice in her veins.  I resented her for walking out of the house leaving me in that kind of pain. Even before I asked for a 2 week script with no refills the appointment felt cold. She was cold, unfeeling and flatline. She was mechanical and distant. I thought she’d become callous over the years and that her oath to help had been broken. It turns out this may not be the case.

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