Hypocrisy and Sobriety

Published on February 15, 2012 in Soapbox and Stupid People. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

I wasn’t going to comment on the whole Whitney Houston thing until my cab driver’s wife told me she thinks Bobby Brown killed her. After going through all that, I came home and someone else wanted to talk about it so, it looks like I need to clear my mind of this then let it go.

Bobby Brown DID NOT kill Whitney Houston. Whitney was an addict who was killed by her inability to control her addiction. Whitney was a “grown ass woman” who made horrible choices all later blamed on Bobby. She had showmanship and beauty but at what point do those two things cease to cover transgressions? Funny how everyone is all, “Oh our sister is gone”  and “We’ve lost a family member,” when just the day before she was the butt of your crackhead jokes? Whitney had a problem within herself and her body, a problem that went way beyond a washed up 80′s singer.

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Conversation: The Therapist and I

Published on February 14, 2012 in Humor and Therapy. 6 Comments Tags: .

Dr. D and I discussed my choice of pets. Since Joan is integrated it appears we aren’t as dog crazy as before. As a matter of fact we’ve come to a point where we aren’t even sure if we want one.

Dr. D said he’s noticed that we lean towards animals that we can’t get close to. He said that we can’t get close to fish, frogs or snails. He cringed on the snail thing. LOL I corrected him about bonding with fish. I acknowledged that the animals we keep as our own are slow moving, graceful, quiet and predictable. That is our PTSD issues coming in to play.

We talked about how some of the pets are unconventional.

Me: Fish are a common pet and having a pond in the living room isn’t odd.

Dr. D: It’s not conventional. Most have a dog or a cat.

Me: Fish are common. Heck, my grandparents had a waterfall in their house.

Dr. D: Yeah, but your grandparents were crazy.

I probably should have used a better reference than my grandparents.

For My Brother – All That You Have

Published on February 14, 2012 in Grief Sadness Loss, Letters Home and Love. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

For you on your day.

All That You Have Is Your Soul  by  Tracy Chapman

Oh my mama told me
‘Cause she say she learned the hard way
Say she wanna spare the children
She say don’t give or sell your soul away
‘Cause all that you have is your soul

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doleful shades

Published on February 13, 2012 in Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, Fear, For the Record, Medical and Mental Health. 0 Comments

No light; but rather darkness visible
Served only to discover sights of woe,
Regions of sorrow, doleful shades, where peace
And rest can never dwell, hope never comes
That comes to all, but torture without end
Still urges, and a fiery deluge, fed
With ever-burning sulphur unconsumed.

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Loopy

Published on February 13, 2012 in For the Record, Humor and Medical. 0 Comments

After I got back from the doctor’s office the other day I stopped by the drug store to pick up meds. I was still messed up since I was given more meds while at the office.  So,  John and I picked up the meds, stopped by the store for a few TV dinners and came back to my house. I put the food in the freezer, layed on the sofa and went to sleep. John stayed for awhile then saw himself out.

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Hospital Update

Published on February 10, 2012 in Emotions, Fear and Medical. 5 Comments Tags: .

They didn’t keep me as thought, they gave me meds and allowed me to come home with a friend who will watch over me. They gave me strong meds which they asked me to take for a short period of time.  As far as my regular meds go, one was doubled and one was added.

One of the friends that’s popping in took the opportunity in the ER to photograph me about an hour after being given that “knock a horse out” cocktail. I just wish she told me to lay down that dreadlock that’s standing straight up BEFORE she took the shot. It’s a good thing I have a good sense of humor. I had to laugh at myself when I saw this.

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In the Hospital for SLE and Fibromyalgia

Published on February 10, 2012 in Art Therapy, Medical and PTSD. 1 Comment

On Friday I went to an art opening with a friend and it was fantastic. I didn’t want to go at all and started to cancel because my pain level was at a 9 and rising. Despite that I went and I’m happy I did. What happened later was that I ended up in the ER because the pain level hit a 10 and I simply could not take it. I said weeks ago that I’d considered going to the ER but didn’t, this time I did. When I got there they looked at my records and asked a few simple questions. They asked how I usually manged my pain. I answered honestly then told them that my usual method wasn’t managing this flare up. He asked when the last time it was I came in for a “cocktail” and I told him it had been awhile. According to my records it was 2 years ago.

No social workers showed up and no questions about my mental health were posed. They asked one major question: What can we do to help you? I asked for a one time cocktail that would relieve the pain enough that I could manage it again. With that I was given a shot of Morphine, Demerol an injection of Prednisone. They then had me swallow two pills for nausea and gave me two percocets. This cocktail could knock out a horse but I was wide awake the whole time.

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