The People Behind My Eyes

Yup, she’s still here and talking about staying until Sunday. I told her I didn’t have enough food for her and me so she’s going home shortly. Right now she’s using the Jacuzzi. The girl showed up with instant oatmeal and instant potatoes. Yeah, that’s great…lets eat Aussie’s food! You know, I had to fire an Allstate agent because the woman called me at home several times to ask for cooking tips. The time when she was fired she called to ask about how to grill eggplant. I told her I didn’t know and she called me a dumb ass. I told her she was the dumb ass cause she’s the one calling a client for recipes. She hung up. I fired her. There are pit falls to being able to cook. Pitfall #1 is you never get invited to parties because people worry you’ll judge their food. Pitfall #2 is, when you invite them over they want you to cook then they judge your food. Pitfall #3, if you burn it you lose credibility as if being a trained chef means you never make human mistakes. I don’t know how to cook everything. I don’t recognize every fruit or ever cut of meat. I don’t know all the French words for this and that. I tell you, cooking is an art and a joy, what throws off the dish is when you add “people” to the mix.

I have to say, the people behind my eyes sometimes want something simple like hot dogs and French fries. I sometimes over cook for us, I make things too “fancy” or too “gourmet.” I made orange duck when a hamburger will do. I add garnish or set the table when they’d rather eat pizza from the box or off of a paper plate. I ruin the meal for them when I make it so formal all the time.

Growing up, we ate out 3 times a day. We ate at the steak houses, at the big seafood restaurants and places that required reservations. Rarely did we eat fast food and rarely did we go anywhere that you could wear slacks and a sweater. I hated not eating at home but knowing my mother couldn’t cook worth a darn made eating out necessary. The woman could not cook! She put things together that should be outlawed…they probably are. You don’t put an egg in mac and cheese. That’s just nasty. I was happy she realized her culinary failings and let us eat out, but now, as an adult, I tend to overcompensate for the loss of kitchen table time. I guess I overcompensate for many things that I missed as a child.

Aussie

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