The People Behind My Eyes

10:40 AM
Early morning angst

Well, the repair guy doesn’t want me to pay him to fix the other door. I hate when people give me stuff for free. I should tell the sheriff that it’s not just him I don’t want money from.

I’ve got this appointment today at 1:30 PM at the doc’s office for the breast exam. I think I’m ready for it, more so than yesterday.

Aussie

5:22 PM
Breast exam day

I went to see the doc today. I have to have yet another biopsy, a third one. Great! I go next Tuesday at 1pm. It seems that the right side is okay but the left side isn’t.

I had a serious anxiety attack while at the hospital today. I just about lost it. Cap was being a butt and not listening to me. I had him sit in front of me then I bent down and told him, “I need you today. I need you to listen to me.” He gave me a big kiss across the side of my face. I told him I loved him and he was back to his same leader self. In the cab on the way home he had his head on my hand the entire time. I suppose they are allowed to have off days as well. We got home and I took him out to play football for a bit. He likes to chase the football. It’s a half deflated Spalding ball but he loves that thing. When I felt myself panic the next thing I knew Cappy was standing up next to me. He put his head under my hand and his paw on my foot. I knew he was there and we made it home all right. It seems that the last few days I’ve been on the verge of an all out anger blow up. I’m just so angry right now.

I got to bed last night later than intended. I think the last time I went to bed for good was like 4 am. I got up at 10am. I realized that yesterday the only thing I ate was mint chocolate chip ice cream. I was feeling rather badly about that until the doctor told me that since June of this year I’ve lost 30 pounds. He asked me if I felt okay. I said yes. He asked if my energy was okay. I said yes. I was very quiet when he did the exam. He knew I was switched. It was a quick appointment then I left.

The sheriff and I are going to a state park later this month to look at the fall trees. I can’t wait. He’s out at a movie with his son right now. He said he was out paying child support and I thought he was talking about his 15 year old son but he was talking about paying the balance on a vet bill of Cappy’s. He calls Cappy our illegitimate son. LOL. He is too funny.

I need to lie down before I fall down.

Aussie

10:02: PM
More Migraines

My head is killing me. I’ve been having a lot of headaches again. I’m not sure what’s different but in the last 3 weeks maybe I’ve had migraines again. I’m getting tired of the pain.

I’m still exhausted today. I didn’t take a nap. I can’t remember what I did do though. I ate dinner. I had bacon and an omelet. My show is on right now but I may have to skip it for tonight. I usually watch Without A Trace but I’m not really sure I’m up to it tonight. I’ve kept my word that I won’t watch the new show Close to Home. I think it will be too triggering for me. I try to make sure I don’t overload my head ya know.
I can hardly keep my eyes open right now. I’ve got to go lie down now.

Aussie