The People Behind My Eyes

It difficult to know what to say when a friend loses a pet or their pet will soon die. I have been in this situation twice in the last few months. I’m journaling on this because I know that I would want someone to be understanding and supportive about the death of my pet. As friends I think we can be the backbone they need during this hard time, especially in the beginning and in the middle after the pet has died. I did some brainstorming to figure out what I could do to help with the transition. I thought about what I would do if my pet died. Below is what I came up with.

MEMORIAL TO A LOST BUT VERY MUCH LOVED PET

I would take as many pics as I could before the day your pet passes. Many times people don’t want to take photos because their pet is ill and they say they don’t want to remember him that way. It is my opinion that from the day you bring him home until the day he passes that his beauty remains unaltered. Remember that it’s the spirit that the camera catches and not the outer shell. If you know your pet only has a short time to live perhaps getting a family picture would be nice. If you can get a picture of the whole family with your pet then that would be great.Secondly, I would make it a family activity to process the passing of a pet. I would make a date and time to have a family meeting to discuss the passing of your pet. In my opinion that date and time should be a few days after the pet has passed. I think waiting will allow the adults in the situation to gather their emotions and explain things rationally to the children. A friend of mine said that he was trying to prepare himself for the death of his dog Ripper. After his dog passed this friend said that there was no way on earth to prepare for his passing. Not everyone understands the depth of pain you will feel when a pet dies. They might make insensitive comments that downplay your grief. They never stroked your pet or looked him in the eye to see what it was that made him so special. They have no idea what he brought to your life or what the size of the emptiness that he leaves will make. Because the person is on the outside looking in they can not possibly tell you that you should lighten up because it was just a pet. When a mom or dad loses their pet it feels like losing a child. The grief is real and when it begins to debilitate daily life counseling is in order the same as if the loss of life were human. Don’t let anyone tell you that your level of grieving is wrong because the life that was lost wasn’t human. When it comes to pets or animal companions the loyalty and dedication is much stronger than today’s humans care to give. We as humans have a lot to learn from the average house cat or the average back yard dog.

Other suggested activities for the memorial of you pet are: scrap booking and collages. Gather photos of your pet and make a collage of his life. Cut words out of a magazine that remind you of his personality. Add glitter, markers, crayon and other things that remind you of your loved one. You might even go as far as to type up your favorite memory of your pet and paste it in on the collage.

Make a paw print with non-toxic paint and then add the paw prints of your family members to his paw print. Frame the print and hang it as a memorial. To preserve his paw print, scan it onto a disk. This way you can make multiple copies of it in case there are errors when you try the first paw memorial.

A memorial may help you process the grief and the sadness. It may help your family do something together to deal with the grief and sadness. While everyone deals with grief differently there seems to be one constant: if you don’t deal with it now you’ll end up dealing with it later. As long as you do something to deal with the death of a pet then I fully believe there is no wrong or right way. At least if you take action to handle the grieving you’ll have a measure of control over it. If you run from it and push it away at ever turn then you lose the small amount of control you once had. It will pop up again and maybe that’s not for a year or so but it will pop up. My experience with running from emotions is that those emotions pop back at the most inconvenient times.

If you ask yourself what you could have done differently to save your pet you will not have as much time to remember him fondly. You’ll fill valuable time when you could be smiling to yourself about the first time you flipped out when he chewed your shoes or a book. You won’t have the smile that comes to your face when you remember sweet look that stopped you from popping him on the nose with a newspaper. There will be less time to celebrate his life if you are pre-occupied with what you feel you could have done differently. Let me assure you that when nature steps in there is no stopping it. All the money in the world, all the time to change this or that decision can not stop nature from taking its course. So go easy on yourself when it comes to self blame.

ADVICE FOR FRIENDS

In the beginning of this entry I said that friends can be the backbone for the person that has lost their beloved pet. When a death occurs the first thing good friends do is gather around one another. They embrace the friend and are willing to do whatever they can to help ease the loss. While you are there in the beginning make a point to be there 6 months down the road or 9 months down the road when things really get hard for the surviving companion. The friend I spoke of said that even now he finds Ripper’s hair on his clothes and other household items. There are many reminders of the pet in the home so while those on the outside are healing those who lived with the pet are reminded of his absence repeatedly. Please be there for your friends when they need you. They need you longer than the first 2 or 3 months after the passing of their pet.I am open to suggestions to pass on to others who have recently or will lose a pet. If you have suggestions leave a comment.

Austin’s August