Daily Archive for November 25th, 2005

Saftey Plan for PTSD Issues And Homelessness

Published on November 25, 2005 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Mental Health, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments


I read a new entry in the journal Mel-O-Drama about the homeless people in her town. In the journal entry of mine that dealt with homelessness I spoke of a safety plan that I would need to put in place in order to journal out my own issues with homelessness. (http://sundripjournals.blogspot.com/2005/11/ptsd-issues-and-homelessness.html).

  • 0.5 mg of Clonapin 10 min before the journal session.
  • After the session: PC art or playing with the dog
  • A physical activity such that requires some sort of stretching like: dusting the porcelain doll cases, re-arranging the coffee cups on the top shelves in the kitchen, dishes, hanging up the hats that the kitten pulled down.
  • The time limit for the journal session will be 45 min and can not be done after 10pm.

For me, doing something that allows me to stretch or move around helps me to burn off anxiety faster. I would usually choose large scale finger painting but I figure that it would be too emotional for me. I don’t want to overload myself. Giving myself 45 min has no significance other than that setting a time limit will help me know that what strong emotions I may have will end. I don’t have to think about this again until the next scheduled time to process this. I think that after 10pm my mind has processed enough. To throw this subject on it would be too much. I do a lot of journaling after 10pm but this subject may cause more anxiety than usual. I don’t need another reason to put off sleep.I have found PC art to be relaxing and a good way to end the day. It’s been nice and its free, free, free. I couldn’t afford all the colours I can make with this program. Sometimes my hands are too shaky to do the details I would want to do with a brush or a sponge. Picture It Publish It allows me to create images despite physical limitations.

Medication Issues:
Man oh man! I slept like a rock today. I mean I slept and slept and slept. After Slave Girl left I went back to take a nap. I slept from about 3pm to 9pm. I was wiped out! I got up to feed the dog and to let him relieve himself. I didn’t want to get up but I did. I also called Mrs.R* to apologize for Monkey Boy’s behavior. The man is a butt hole and somebody needs to smack him! I think she may have been out with her neighbor so I left a message and told her I’d call tomorrow. She doesn’t sleep much either so calling her at a quarter to 10 wasn’t a problem. I’m going to hit the sheets yet again very soon. I feel drunk almost.
Me

PTSD Issues and Homelessness-26-Nov-05-12:00 midnight

PTSD Issues And Homelessness

Published on November 25, 2005 in Mental Health, PTSD and Soapbox. 0 Comments

The author of the blog Mel-O-Drama has a new entry about a project she’s going to be doing concerning the homeless. It touched me because many of the issues I’m having right now center around PTSD issues from the many times I was homeless. I left this comment in her blog but then I realized I needed to do some journaling on it myself. I’ve not wanted to touch the subject because it’s a hard one for me. After reading her entry I realized its time to start journaling this out. Here’s the comment I left in her journal :

Hey Hat Girl. I was going to leave a comment on the entry about homeless people. I did one awhile back on a different journal. I’ve been homeless 80% of my life. My first time was when I was six years old. I was less than 4 feet tall sleeping in the snow. I stayed gone for 2 years because the street was safer than at home. I dread the winter months to this day because of how many times I’ve slept with a sheet of snow over me. Even after a person finds a home the effects of homelessness doesn’t really leave you. I could add some input into your project.
btw: the lip balm was a good idea. the gum was too. often times cash isnt the best thing to give because it can be stolen. socks, bottled water, a comb, underwear, heavy gloves, old blankets, HATS :0) and things like that are helpful. a toothbrush, q-tips for cleaning their ears, wash rags, combs, dry foods with high protein like nuts and avocados. fresh fruit is a wonderful gift. Continue reading ‘PTSD Issues And Homelessness’

Alter Personalities and Medication

Published on November 25, 2005 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health and PTSD. 1 Comment


Hi Austin! Of course you matter! I think most of us have asked that question at one time or another. I had a question I hope you don’t mind me asking. When you do take meds to sleep, are your alters able to sleep also, or do they come out keeping the Body awake? Loved your computer art!Sincerely, Hat Girl
1:50 PM http://hatgirl.blogspot.com/

Hi Hat Girl,

I forgot you asked me this question. Well, some of us react differently to the medications that we take. But as for sleeping, when the body goes to bed it stays there. There aren’t some of us that get up in the middle of the night like we use to do. We’ve had a lot of therapy over the years and have learned to cooperate to a degree that allows us to do that. We still lose a lot of time but for the most part when the body goes to bed so does everyone in my head. I know that must sound funny, making a distinction between the body and those inside it. It’s like having several people inside an apartment building. You have different apartments housed in one large structure. Everyone in there has their own morals, their own thought process, ideas, likes and dislikes. Trying to get all your neighbors to agree on something is difficult when there is no one to help organize them. Our therapy has helped us to have a decent level of organization. That’s why when I started getting suicidal this time I was sure I was safe because Morton wasn’t going to allow it to happen. He has the say so and the rest of us listen to him without exception. It takes a lot of inner trust and a lot of work to get to the point where we can know each other this well and be able to depend on each other to do the job they have been given.

I had a pdoc one time give certain meds to one alter and other meds to more depressed alters or ones that are more anxious. It helps. I’m not really sure why it helps but it does. I understand that DID is a survival tool for those who refuse to die under the abuse of their tormentors. I know it is a very complex disorder based on the minds natural ability to protect itself. What I dont know is why one medication can help one alter and do nothing for another. Some alters have higher blood pressure than others. Some cant handle beer while others can. Some are colour blind, Deaf or mute, diabetic or lame. Why? I have no idea how they could have it and not the others but it does happen. I know too many other multiples that have medical conditions that are specific to an alter. I can’t explain that but I do know it is common.

Well, that is more info than you asked for but I hope it answered your question. I dont mind questions at all so when you have one dont hesitate to ask.

Later,

Austin

Week End With Monkey Boy’s Girlfriend

Published on November 25, 2005 in Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships. 0 Comments

10:45 AM
Nov. 25, 2005

I slept from about 3am to 10am without interruption and without taking the new medication. I don’t think my dreams were bad enough to ruin my day.

 

2:06 PM

We had a nice time with Slave Girl this week end. She came over while her crackhead boyfriend went to his KKK Family Thanksgiving Dinner. He hates cops, black people, gays, Arabs and just about anyone of colour. Funny how monkey boy’s main drug addiction is the drug of choice for black addicts age 34 to age 54. “Can’t stand ‘em coloured people but dang they sure know their drugs!” I should have put some ex-lax or worse in those cookies I sent home with her.

Monkey boy: These chips taste nasty sweaty. They don’t taste like chocolate.
Slave Girl: No, those are chocolate chips baby.
Dominatress: Well, they are chips, buffalo chips ya dumb bastard!

What part of racism doesn’t fall under the jackass category? None! All of it falls in under major jackass!

Annyyywaaay, I spent another hour in the Jacuzzi this morning. I was in so much pain from last night that I figured if I didn’t get in there my whole day would be nothing but popping Aleve and moaning about how much my back hurts. The rent here is double what I was paying in the other place but when I get out of that Jacuzzi I know living here and being broke is worth it. I could have a little money and be miserable or have no money and be as relaxed as I am now. That relaxation was temporarily interrupted when the kitten fell in the toilet and screamed at the top of her lungs to have me come and pull her out. I keep telling Slave Girl to keep the lid down. She forgets and the kitten almost drowns. I thought it was hilarious until the little bugger went from screaming to this pitiful meow. So I called her and told her that I didn’t appreciate her trying to kill my cat.

I suppose that before the day is out I’ll finish up my therapy assignment on trust. Lord knows I have cleaning to do. It looks like we threw a wild party that lasted 3 days. LOL. There are clothes to wash and a yard to pick up. I did nothing in that yard for the week end. That means I have three days worth of Cappy-Crap to pick up. I should call a hazmat worker to come clean this up. This boy is too big to leave stuff on the ground. Maybe I could throw some seeds out there and hope the fertilizer will produce daisies or something. Oh well. I’d better get started.

Austin

Introducing Lakea Gray Girl

Published on November 25, 2005 in Art, Humor and Pets. 3 Comments

I’m proud to introduce Gray Girl into the Austin Klan. She’s a 4 month old torti mix. When she was first given to me I thought to myself, wow, what a violently ugly kitten. When my friend said she was cute I blurted out: “Don’t lie. She’s butt ugly.” But you know what, ugly or kitty model, she’s a sweetheart. The good thing is, this sweetheart has a God-father to help with the bills. I got so depressed after giving up Wee Kitten Hobbes because of finances. It got really bad. I mean really bad. I didnt have a way to contact these people and tell them to give me my kitty back. So Lakea Gray Girl was given to me.

She adds that grace to the house that was absent when Wee Kitten Hobbes was gone. It’s been nice having Gray Girl here. She’s a sweetheart and she fits in very nicely. I regret giving up Hobbes. I did it because I couldnt afford her. But when that grief set in because i missed her, a friend stepped up and gave Gray Girl to me. And of course the financial aspect of it, if it gets too heavy, will be eased by her God-father. I’m happy about that.

She seems to be very attached to me. She hangs out on my shoulders and seems to really like to sleep ON my eye. She and Cappy have warmed up to one another.

Know how to get a kitten to warm up to a 125lb dog? Rub the dog with catnip! Yes, it was a fast and easy way to get her use to him. So, she’s part of the family now. We’ve both enjoyed her a lot.

Aussie