The People Behind My Eyes

Friday, December 30, 2005
8:18 PM

Happiness is the greatest envy of those who aren’t. Despair is the most diligent characteristic of all negative emotions as it will search every corner of the earth to find a companion.

Mic called and we talked a few minutes before he got hit on the bull horn again. He said that some weird white girl told him to make sure he told me that he saw her. We hung up. A few minutes later this “friend” called me with some petty news. We blew some hot air for a bit and talked about how my neighbor is having trouble with her husband of 15 years. I followed that up with; everyone seems to be having guy troubles right now. She asked how Mic and I are doing. The tone she used was just pitiful. She asked if everything was okay between me and him and if we were getting along and everything. I said yes. She then mentioned that her man told her to come over here for New Years Eve. I told her I wouldn’t be doing anything cause Mic would be working. There was silence for a second and she said: I overheard him tell the other officer that he’s NOT working on New Years Eve. Well, I'd spoken with Mic earlier and he said he will be working. He will be doing DWI checks with the Sheriffs Dept like he’s done for the last 24 years. In my opinion, that’s the best thing he can be doing on New Years Eve. If one person gets home alive because some drunk bastard got stopped by Mic then it was worth him working. I have no problem with that at all. I don’t celebrate the holidays anyway! Well, Dear Friend said that she overhead him talking to the other officer but the way she said it sounded so slick and smooth with a nice cut to it. Passive aggression sometimes has that smooth soul slice.

I think I handled the whole conversation very well. Slave Girl forced boundaries that I refuse to break. She started talking about how Monkey Boy is back to drinking AND drugging, stealing and lying. I said nothing. I didn’t continue to enable her. I set that boundary between friendship and enabling when it became evident that she is not going to leave him and search for herself again. For me to give her pep talks and build up her self-confidence only enables her because she goes back to Monkey Boy all energized and able to take a little more of his shit. Then she comes running to me for more pep and goes back to him to have it torn down. I refuse to give my vital energy, my time and my feelings to a lost cause. She’s going to have to do this round without me. She says that he supposedly didn’t get his SSI check today so she had to pay his rent. He supposedly didn’t get his work check so he doesn’t have that money either. I said nothing. It wasn’t even hard. I just listened and said absolutely nothing. I'm proud of myself for sticking to my guns.

Now, the guns went back in when she asked to come over this week end. I'm letting her come here. Why? Cause I'm still in love with her.

Joan of Arc