I seem to have more money in the bank than I should have. I know that I cut my bills drastically but according to my balance I've got an extra like $60 in there. This is crazy because if this is true, and I’m sure it's not, then it means i can get shoes this month. Goodness. Lord knows I need them. These tennis shoes weren't going to last another month. Being the pessimist that I am, I’ll figure and refigure to see how on earth I ended up with an extra 60.00. It’s almost frightening… I think I fear getting my hopes up only to have them dashed. I’d been saying that if I had an extra hundred bucks a month that I could live comfortably here. When things start going good i look over my shoulder for the anvil. I don’t want to get my hopes up only to feel foolish when i find that there was no reason to hope .my food supply is good. I have medication. Cap and kitty are taken care of for the month. it seems too good to be true. Perhaps I could get some new unddies too. Boy, if anyone is reading this they must think I’m crazy. I’m worried about putting trust in an extra 60 bucks. I’m hoping for a pair of shoes and some unddies. Others want a car, a house, a boat or whatever. I want basics. I suppose that sounds pitiful, almost pathetic in a way but in my opinion, life essentials are what make us happy.Most poor and middle class people say they don’t need to be stinking rich or even a millionaire; they just want to be comfortable. If you say you don’t want to be rich you’re a bold face liar. You think that more money will solve the vast majority of your problems. The truth is, if the problem is you then the only thing that will change your problems is YOU. Where ever I go, whatever I buy, I'm taking ME along for the ride. I'm taking my nightmares, my flashbacks, my abandonment issues, self doubts and history wherever I go and to wherever I shop. I can be just as depressed, timid and fearful in Paris or Belgium, Taiwan or India. The only thing is, I'd be depressed in the back of a limo, having flashbacks sitting in the comfort of first class jet liners, frightened and worried I'd run into my mother while racing down the Autobahn. PTSD issues do not decrease as the balance in my bank account increases. I'm going with me no matter where I go and no matter what I do. That I can not change. What I can change is how I deal with the PTSD. That’s why I'm in therapy so that one day if I end up in Paris I wont be upset that I can’t enjoy the moment because I'm too afraid of the past. No yacht, exotic vacation or beach house can change the fact that I fear laying my head down at night because I'm going to see my mother abusing me.
Money is important. We need it to live in this society. Money gets us a roof, food and clothing but it never, ever buys us a good night’s sleep. It never, ever buys us peace of mind or purpose. Am I going to be happy with the new shoes and/or under clothes the way a person would be happy if they won a new car? I’ll be happier. I can’t afford the upkeep of a car but throwing unddies in a washing machine is right up my alley. LOL. The real answer is it depends. Did the other person need a new car as much as I need this or that? And who can measure another person’s joy without truly knowing them? All I know is, for me, the basics of life are the most important. I’ve been on both sides of the money scale. I find no difference in the basic fabric of humans on either side. It does seem though that the more money you have the more options you have. Too many times those options are used for things like finding ways to hurt other human beings. The more money you have the easier it is to forget that the next person counts as much as you do. The less money you have the more desperate you are. Desperation usually leads to acts that we would normally shy away from. Also, the less money you have the more you hate the rich. You see them as a threat to your self worth. You see them driving their SUV’s while you’re sitting in an old Chevy that should have been junked years ago. They’re driving to the country for the week end and you’re driving to that job you hate. You’re dropping off kids that don’t mind to your ex partner that you resent. The rich envy what they think is your simple grass and you envy what you think is their joyful lawn.
Is the grass truly greener on the other side? The truth is the simplicity of life and the joy in life has nothing to do with money, privilege, position or stature. I’ve been on both sides. I have to say the grass is the same. Each side has its own problems that the other group doesn’t have. What they share is the need for inner peace. They also share the status of failure when it comes to finding it.
Austin's August
I heard on the news that people who receive social security checks on the 1st would receive a $25 increase January 2006. That may account for half the extra income.
I’d much prefer that heaven on earth arrive to eliminate the need for extra income.
Inability to forgive makes it easier for forces to influence our moods, personality, and perception.
1 Peter 5:8-9; James 4:7 1 John 4:4 Matthew 16:23
Those with the greatest belief in god, are usually tormented the most to decrease their faith. The mind and emotions are the devil’s GREATEST tools, yet he is seldom blamed when using them, and very few people attribute their torment to spiritual warfare.
Based on the attacks you’ve experienced, I’m sure you already have knowledge of the scriptures. Just in case. gotquestions.org is a great website. Despite your past, mortal man is not the cause of this degree of torment. Your mother may have had her own attacks which effected her actions. Be blessed and recognize the tools in action sister. Lorna