30 « January « 2006 « The People Behind My Eyes

So I got an email from Chocolate Girl about Healthy Levels of Insanity
These are the things I would actually do if the opportunity presented itself.

1. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.
2. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Sexual Favors.”
3. Finish All Your Sentences With “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”
4. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”
5. Sing Along At The Opera.
6. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.
7. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You’re Not In The Mood.
8. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, “Rock Hard.”
9. Tell Your Children Over Dinner “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”

When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling “Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”

This one’s not funny cause those little bastards get out all the time. Hell, I’ve seen those shows, “When Bears Attack” and “When Elephants Go Wild”, “When Koala Bears Drink and Climb”. No, I dont want to cry wolf cause when the lions really do get out and start chewing up everybody … well, it’s not like I’ll be there to alert anyone cause I know the very day I go to the zoo that’ll be the day when the lions get loose. heck, Morton use to stare them down in their cage.

Oh, yes. They’d recognize us. We’re not behind electrified wires now, come on with your bad self Morty, Mort!. Lord, those lions would be looking for Morton’s Pride. So, nope, we don’t go to the zoo anymore. Morton ruined that for us. Sheshh…staring the things down. That’s just crazy. He is out of his damn mind.

But, we would page us over the intercom or write on our rent check, “for sexual favors.” We might have to do that this month. I’ll let you know how Barney reacts. If he notices that is…he might not even notice what it says in that section.

Joan of Arc

Just Keep Smiling

http://sundripjournals.blogspot.com/2006/01/just-keep-smiling.html

Our day
Monday, January 30, 2006
12:45 PM

I smoke more when I’m stressed out or bored or angry or well, I guess I smoke when ever I feel anything I don’t want to feel. I keep thinking that if I put something in my body it’ll cover up or even drowned out these heavy emotions. It never does. I buy something small for myself to feel better. I do for a little while but it’s short lived.I spent a little time with UK today. We went to Wally World and got one of those Wick Air Freshener things that sprays every 9, 18 or 36 min. I like lavender so I got that one. She got some kind of Island Breeze but I don’t like that smell. I prefer the floral types and things like sandalwood aromas. That Island Breeze crap has to go! So, I set up the little spray machine and hope that my house will smell like lavender soon.

I’m looking forward to this spring. I want to grow lavender as well as herbs and some flowers. Of course I’ll be doing sunflowers. I have to do some where I can see them out my bedroom window. I’ve never grown them before so I’ll have to look up some info on how to care for them. I can’t wait though. I love to garden. I hate the worms but other than that I like to garden. I think it’s quite relaxing, the pruning and the attention you give them. It’s been years since I’ve had a garden. When I lived in Kentucky I had a small garden. I can’t remember if I grew anything in Florida or anywhere else I’ve lived. I can’t remember.

Gracie got her tags the other day. She looks so pretty in them. Her collar is a cobalt blue to match the vaccination tag. She looks so pretty. She’s all fluffy and stuff. So sweet. A couple of people have told me to use wood chips for litter. It’s the same cost as the Wally World brand I buy. The Special Kitty is the same price and I know that it does a good job. I can’t smell anything when I use it. I bought some brand because it was all I could get at the time but man; it doesn’t do very good at keeping the smell down. UK has 5 cats, 3 dogs and a huge fish tank but you can’t smell any of them. She doesn’t even have hair all over her clothes like I do. LOL. Her house is a regular zoo I tell ya, just a zoo. She’s trying to pawn off a kitten on me but for the last few months I’ve been telling her no. She’s trying to find him a home at the pet shop down the street. Poor little guy. She just bought one from there 3 weeks ago. This girl has the cleanest house of anyone I’ve ever known, then to have a zoo too just makes this girl look like wonder woman.

No One talked to our therapist this morning. He/she (neither male nor female, no name, no identity, thus no one) answered the phone which isn’t normal because only Joan answers the phone. Since we knew it was her I guess “he” thought it was okay. He still heard about it though cause Joan is the only one that is allowed to answer the phone. I don’t know. No One was rather confused by what the therapist was saying because he wasn’t the one that wrote the entry or sent her the email about Joan not liking her. He did tell the therapist that we are struggling with the death of our friend Vm*. When we were talking to her a tear rolled down our cheek. We were embarrassed by it.

We have no experience with death at all. I mean, we lost our great-grandmother in 85 but other than that we have no experience with this. I remember crying when the grandmother died. I also remember my mother and sister laughing because the child they called heartless cried so hard about losing someone. Evidently it was funny to see me, their heartless one, pretend to have emotions as if I were human and equal to them. I usually only cried on command, when it was required and as a way to appease her so she’d stop hitting me. if I didn’t at least flip around and act hurt she would spend a lot more time waling on me and breaking those dowel rods across my little body. So yeah, I cried on command but not on that day. So, other than the death of my great-grandmother in ’85 I have no experience with death. It seems recently people are dropping like flies. Then to almost lose Gracie like that just seemed to throw me over the edge.

Last night it felt like if I could come up with some sort of issue, some sort of crisis I could distract myself from what I’m feeling right now. I can’t even put this into words. I don’t really have the words to describe how I’m feeling. I just know I don’t like this. It’s a constant dread, an overwhelming sadness and grief squeezed into a flaming ball of fire that’s locked inside my heart and trying to escape through my eyes. I suppose that if there was any way to describe it that would be it.

Austin’s August

Sunday, January 29, 2006
7:03 PM

I’ve eaten.
I hate using the restroom. The lights are kept off so I cant see anything in the room while I’m going. I do that all the time. I’ve done it for years. I shower in the dark, bathe in the dark, everything.
My hygiene has been good. Years ago I’d go up to a month or longer without showering. I get a shower or a bath almost daily now. I prefer baths because I can control the water better. There’s less sound to a bath also.
I’ve got to go lie down again.

Maureen