Hiding In Black And White

Saturday
25 February 2006
5:01 PMI read today that a person named Pilgrim collects containers of all sorts. She was saying that it seems like she is all over the place and feels uncontained. I could so relate to that. She says she has containers of all sorts and colours. What I was thinking when I read that was, I don’t keep the brightly coloured ones because colours are too loud for me. For me, colours make an impression, they stand out, and they’re unavoidable.

When I look at my house I see very few colours. The only thing of colour in this house is Captain’s red rug, that’s it. I keep soft blues and earth tones because they are low stimulus colours. I get all wigged out with bright colours. I can’t think and I border feeling frightened. When I do PC art I have to force myself to use brighter colours. Heck, I wear darker colours or plain white. My life is colourless. I seem to avoid it in a rather phobic way actually.

27 February 2006
12:01 AM

I realize that I avoid colours like the plague. It’s wild how far I’ll go out of my way to not be shocked by colour. When I read blogs I read them if they aren’t all bright and overwhelming but then I don’t like to read blogs with a solid black background either. When I write with a pen the ink has to be black, I don’t deal well with coloured ink. I don’t have an aversion to red because of blood issues but then again, you’ll never see me wear that colour. I can take colour in small doses when I'm doing well but other than that I need darker greens or faded out colours such as mauve and cream, periwinkle blue, shades of gray and earth tones. I feel much more calm, and hidden.

I’ve noticed that when I do artwork I want to make the border very soft and have it collapse on itself. I want the border to gradually suffocate the picture. I have no idea why I just described it that way but it is a pretty accurate description.

I have parts of my house that look like they’re …. Um, they’re set up to be sort of a scene or still life type things. I'm not explaining myself very well. The lazy boy is set up just so. Its …….. never mind.

UK says that she’ll be working on me to get some colour in my house. That makes me nervous. She gave me some flowers the other day to add to the house. She was not happy when I removed the colourful stuff and kept the foliage. It’s much more calm that way. It’s not all over the place. It’s contained. I need things that way.

I'm going to stop talking now.