Denying forgiveness builds walls but extending mercy tears them down. When I offer forgiveness I clear the way for advancement in my relationships. When I withhold it I set up a boundary to protect myself from repeated and reckless behaviors. If I keep offering forgiveness to repeat offenders I then have to take personal responsibility for my part in letting them hurt me. It is my belief that extending compassion to my mother who is habitually without compassion and mercy would also extend to her yet another chance to hurt me. Not forgiving her helps me keep my guard up (a boundary between me and her) so that she can not hurt me again.As I said, there has been pressure from others to forgive my mother. The block that stands between forgiving her is that I fear she will hurt me again. I am not sure I’m mentally strong enough to fight her off. I worry that I will not survive another assault. The last time she tried I was 24 years old. It was over the phone that she asked me for sex. I hung up. I have the right to protect myself from her and if that means not forgiving her then so be it. I will not take the chance of being hurt again when I question whether or not I could recover from it. Is it reasonable to offer her forgiveness while being uncertain of the outcome?
While I appreciate well meaning advice I have to ask that people stop sending private mail telling me about how it’s my duty as a Christian to forgive my mother. I wonder why you are so determined to have me forgive her and I ask myself, what’s in it for you? Will it make you feel like a good Christian if I forgive my mother? Why are you so invested in my road to recovery but even more why do you believe I want to hear your advice? You are testing the limits of my patients. Therefore I ask all of you to stop sending me private mail concerning the subject of forgiving the mother. If this offends you please forgive me.
Joan of Arc inside
Morton’s Pride
old entries on forgiveness can be found by using the search box with the word forgiveness or you can use the links below.
How Forgivness Is Explained As An Abstract Idea
Forgiving myself Part One of Three
Forgiving myself Part Two of Three
Forgiving myself Part Three of Three – Forgiveness Opens and Closes Doors
Part Three: Forgiving Myself
Forgiveness Opens or Closes Doors
March 14, 2006 / 6:25 PM
my biological father is not in my life. he is an alcoholic. i have tried to give him chances in being a part, but with every turn he smothered me and made it hard. each time i let him into my life was because i felt guilty and that maybe i didn’t try hard enough…but with every turn he proved the same bad outcome. in my opinion people like to lay out the “law” but put them in your shoes and let’s see. anyway, they are judging you and that’s a sin too…..and besides, it’s between YOU AND GOD-period. lots of people love to point them fingers…do they like them pointed back?