The People Behind My Eyes

4:20 AM Sunday Morn’

i was pulling my hair back in a pony tail and looking at myself in the mirror. I thought back to Barney’s daughter and grandson visiting today. I then traveled down the road, “what if they’d asked me to let the little boy use my restroom.” Barney and I DO NOT share a restroom. Good Lord! Not gonna happen I thought. Then I thought about how pissed he would be if I didnt let his grandson use my restroom and he had to go all the way upstairs to his but he didnt make it. now he’s all wet and mad at me. Well, from there my thinking got worse. Then I was like, good God what happens if Barney’s restroom is out of order and he needs to use mine. Then I thought, good God what happens if he doesnt see the urgency of getting his fixed? So i’m just about ready to pack now. so now i can’t find the scrunchy and i’m pacing back and forth looking for it, looking at my perfectly clean sink and thinking of how it would look if Barney got ahold of it. Then of course I kept traveling down that road. I thought, hell, if he treats his toilet anything like he does the garbage disposal then this whole scinario could play out. Okay so then I was like, I know Barney is a half-asser so I would need to come up with some plan to get him moving on getting both restrooms up and running.here’s the plan,

no matter who’s restroom goes down first I will hang up MEN’S underware, huge ones, in the shower! I am conveniently unavailable to move them so he can bathe. He’ll have to do it himself. I can probebly get them at the dollar store dirt cheap. It’ll be well worth the cost. Okay then i need to openly display all femanine hygiene items so that every single solitary time he walks in the restroom he has to see Always and Summers Eve! I might go as far as to buy some KY just to drive home the point that sharing a restroom with me isn’t going to work. And every time I use the restroom I have to bring my own tissue and take the tissue out with me. He’ll get caught in there at least once with no paper. He’ll yell out to me but with my hearing problem his calls will go unanswered. Cap will go to him to see what the problem is but I’ll tell Cap, get away from the door the man is trying to use the restroom. If all else fails I’ll have to break out the big guns and refuse to flush the toilet until he gets both restrooms up and running.

this plan is proof that i should have been in bed hours ago.

when I was moving here one of the movers had to use the restroom. He knows I have OCD and that my restroom is off limits. Well, I handed the man a Big Gulp cup and let him take it into the other room to use it. Thank goodness it was a Big Gulp cup because this man was 6 foot 5 and had it been a dinky little cup I would have had some serious issues. I’d have been downing valum trying to handle that this stuff was on my dang floor. … the floor I was leaving and would never see again… He didnt flinch but I know he told everybody and his brother that I did that to him. But you know what? As long as I lived there everyone knew that no one uses Aussie’s restroom. I can’t afford to replace the toilet seat every damn time some inconsiderate person wants to use my restroom. people only care about themselves anymore. it’s frustrating. LOL. So, after the first time I had to replace the seat cause my girlfriend of 5 years used it I just figured that I couldnt afford to be hospitable.

Joan of Arc, all over the map