The People Behind My Eyes

i see the new therapist on Tuesday. He's a phd. I'm too thrilled about that. I can't remember his name though. I dont really have a problem with him being a guy. As a matter of fact, i use to only want to see a male therapist. i felt they were easier to work with. i dont have the trust issues with men that i have with women. most of my abusers were female, which means dealing with men is easier for me.when i saw the first long term therapist years ago it was a guy. had there only been a woman there for me to see i might have gone elsewhere.

i set up my ride to get there. what concerns me is the amount of travel time to get there. the entire trip will be 3 hours and on turf that i'm not familiar with. i just thought of something though, I can look up the address on map quest and get a visiual of the area. It'll help me get a better idea of where i'm going and what's around me. i just started rocking when i mentioned the 3 hours away from home. my usual limit is 2 hours. after that i tend to freak out. i use to have a regular cab driver when i saw the woman at the medical center. that was an easy travel time. 10 min there, 10 min back and the same cabby who let me smoke when i needed to. one of the good things about going to this new center is the timeing. if it was dead cold out for months i might feel rather trapped in that place while waiting for the bus to come back and get me. at least i can stand outside when i need to. i might be able to find a quiet little area that i can gather myself at if i need to outside. i have the weather on my side this time so this is a very good plus. if we were still in the middle of winter i'd have major concerns. at least the weather is breaking and i'll have a long time before winter hits again. that'll give me plenty of time to get familiar with the area. i can also continue to look at the map view of the area and even do so at street level and see the restraunts and what not around there. it'll help me when i get ready to leave to go there. sometimes i dont remeber what my own home looks like or what the streets look like over here so trying to remember where other things are is sometimes a very large task.

anyway, i'd better try and lay down again. Gracie just came over to me to have her head rubbed. she's too sweet. she can Cap have wrestled all day. he stepped on her and she screached. she scratched him and he screamed but I didnt go running to stop them from playing. they play hard a lot and Cap is usually very careful not to step on her little self. she has learned never to sleep down by his feet because Cap kicks in his sleep like a toddler. she went flying once and then looked at him like, "what did i do?" he was dead asleep and missed the "i'm gettin you later." look that she gave him. they are too funny to watch. sometimes instead of laying on his bed Cap will curl up beside Gracie and go to sleep. the other day he was walking over to his bed and decided, nah, i think i'll just lay next to Gracie on the floor. so there he lay right there with her. they're pals. its so fun to watch them together. sometimes when i'm typing i have to peer through her fur because she insists upon standing in front of my face while kneading my head. i have her whole belly in my face sometimes…she'll be purring and kneading while i'm trying to type. i guess it's my cue to get off the pc and give her some attention. i'm going to take the drift and log off.

until again,
Austin