Daily Archive for April 9th, 2006

Hands

Published on April 9, 2006 in Dissociative Identity Disorder. 0 Comments

i am uncertain.
my thoughts aren't clear.

i always know when my body isn't well because of how my hands look. i cant tell if the skin is hanging or if its tight. they feel tight, almost hard to hold open but the skin itself appears to be loose and wrinkled. that must sound odd. i cant tell if i'm dehydrated or if I just need some really good lotion. my hands have almost a green tone to them, they look shriveled and dead.

i'll get my test results back in a few days.

I like to take pictures of hands. I just do.

Me

Themed Entries

Published on April 9, 2006 in For the Record. 0 Comments
Themed Entries
Sunday, April 09, 2006
6:32 AM

Last night I had dream number three about Mic seeking passive aggressive revenge for me breaking up with him. This to me is a clue that I’m worried he might find some way to send a jab for cutting the strings and not being strung along. He may be calling every kind of female dog but I doubt he’s out there plotting against me. Heck, I he actually got the hint and stopped calling me. I stopped picking up the phone when I knew for sure he knew I was home. That’s one heck of a hint I’d say. He knows my schedule. I’m a routine freak so it’s not like he isn’t aware of what I’m doing at what time of the day.

I was thinking that maybe I’d start a Gratitude Monday entry again. I use to do that on a few groups that I managed or co-managed. I’d like to start doing that again. I thought that maybe I’d keep the “rules” down and leave the subject matter open and the change things from just gratitude to maybe even records of things I’ve noticed or observed in myself that have changed for the positive. I won’t start Sarcastic Sunday or Anti-social Tuesday like a few of me want to do….no way we’re doing FU Friday. ..listing all the people who deserve a huge FU for stepping over clearly drawn boundaries. Destiny isn’t happy about not getting FU Friday when Maureen gets Gratitude Monday.

One of the reasons I thought to do this type of entry again is because of something I got in the mail the Saturday. I bought my first Maya Angelou book, “I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings.” I’ve read only a few pages of it but I read all the reviews and I know for sure that in the face of trauma and anguish there are things that will stand out in a beautifully significant way. I think these things deserve to be written down. I still keep my Gratitude Jar. I read the dated scrap paper when I’m feeling down. The thing is, I’d like keep a running ledger of my baby steps in a spot where I spend a lot of time.

With these entries I want to make sure I didn’t kick into my regular rigid rule setting self. I plan to write down things that have changed even slightly, things I saw during the week that caught my eye or even just outright document things I’m grateful for. I’ll be using a loose interpretation of gratitude. Soooo, this is what I’d like to start tomorrow.

Right now I need to start a pot of coffee, feed the critters and find me some breakfast.

Austin