The People Behind My Eyes

Friday, April 21, 2006 -1:00 AM

After therapy I was totally wiped out. Sg needed to go pick up a script by the nursing home. While I waited for her I thought I'd go over and sit with some people outside of a nursing home, one that Mrs.R* isn’t in. I took Cappy over to visit with them for a few minutes. I like to be able to do that. We headed over to Mrs.R*’s and then decided to go back to the old building where I use to live and where she still lives. I went to her place and hung out for about a half our. There was to be a barbeque and the resident council members told me to I could come. Well, heck, it was free barbeque what was I gonna do say no? while at Sg’s apartment I had a sandwich so I really wasn’t hungry but I wanted to visit with some people I use to know when I lived there. When we went down to the cook out all hell broke loose. As soon as I stepped off the elevator a resident that I know very well said, you can’t take “that dog” meaning Captain, back to the cook out area. I said nothing. I kept walking back to see Mrs. F and JP. Lord, so I get back there and people that I know and that know Captain were like, you cant bring “that dog” back here while we’re trying to eat.

They know that I don’t let Cap walk around loose. He doesn’t go up to tables sniffing the food and begging. I walked to the side wall by the entrance of the little dining room. They moved the cook out in because of the rain. So I walked to a side area to visit with a friend and some woman comes running over to me telling me to get “that dog” out of there and that I couldn’t have “that dog” in there near the food. I was calm. I told her that Captain is a service animal and that he is here with me for medical reasons. She got huffy then told me that if I insisted on being in the room I had to be in the far corner away from everyone else. She wanted me to stand in the far corner of the room with Captain. I refused. That is when hell broke loose again and didn’t get contained until the police arrived. I tried to explain to her that legally Captain can go with me where ever the general pubic goes. She told me I was to leave the building. Of course I was pissed and asked her who the hell she thought she was. Her answer was, “I'm the assistant manager.” My reply, “that was a rhetorical question. I don’t give a fuck who you think you are.”  Then of course being in the ghetto somebody jumped up and said, “What are you on? Why do you think you can just come in startin’ shit?” He told me to get out of the building with “that dog.”

Now, while he was making the “are you on crack” comment the assistant manager decided that she was going to contain me. I tried to move and she blocked me from walking. Enter Morton. This woman was in my face screaming and yelling, waving her arms talking about calling the police. She got up so close in my face that Captain moved right between me and her. I knew she was about to get bitten if she took another step. I told her she needed to move back and leave me alone. So then she got up in my face again. I told her if she had a problem she needed to call the police. Captain was in his red jacket with is ID badge on. He was dressed as they say.

When the police show up at pubic housing the housing police accompany them. It turned out that not only 2 cops show up but in walks Mic. He was working security for housing that day. I told them that on the video cameras they will see the manager cursing me, jumping in my face, attempting to confine me and waving her arms like a mad person. The two on duty cops know Captain. One of them called him by name. They told her in no uncertain terms to shut up. She kept talking and yapping and waving her arms. One officer said to her, “who is wearing the uniform? You need to shut up.” I was quiet the whole time. 

All I wanted to do was visit some of the older people that I use to take Captain to see. It turned out that the assistant manager decided to stay for the cook out and that she is as unreasonable as the residents she manages. The woman actually got so close in my face that Captain was alerted by it. When she tried to keep me from walking anywhere Morton was there so fast it wasn’t even funny. She just went off. It was crazy. She told me to leave and I told her no. I think that’s what really made her mad, I didn’t just go, well, okay, I’ll tuck my tail and go. Well fuck that! The last time I checked Service Animals laws still applied in this state. I'd just come from 2 nursing homes and Subway Sandwich Shop with no difficulties but hey, crackheads live in their own world and there is no reason within that world. She was so close in my face screaming at me. and it wasn’t just that she was in my face it was that she got in it, walked away screaming then came back, screamed some more, tried to keep me from walking around her or anywhere at all. She was pressing it and pressing it hard. Morton didn’t do any screaming and yelling. So she says, I'm calling the police like I hadn’t already suggested it. When she said I'm calling the police I said, the number is 911. By that time Joan was back out because it was apparent that the woman wasn’t going to hit me.

While we waited for the police who seemed to take their own sweet time getting there this woman still ran her mouth. She was yelling down this long hall way, why cant people just have a good time. There always has to be one foo' to mess things up. This is why n’s cant have anything cause…blah, blah, blah, blah, we can't have 'nothin..blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.… I said to Mrs. F, and this is your manager she’s quite professional isn’t she? She said, yes, they seem to get worse and worse but I wish you’d just go so there won’t be any trouble.  I explained to her that I wasn’t there for trouble but that the woman jumped in my face and started all this stuff.

The funny thing is when Morton talked to the manager he didn’t use a lick of respect but when he turned to talk to Mrs. F he was very respectful and even apologized for her heaving to hear him curse her like that. the problem was that the manager attempted to keep me from walking anywhere by moving in front of me so that I couldn’t take a step, her arms extended so I couldn’t move forward. The problem was that she was in my face so close that I could have tasted the barbeque in her mouth. The problem was that she was so unreasonable and so loudly aggressive that I felt I couldn’t just walk away and let it go. So, when the cops showed up the first cop looked at the manager and said, “That’s Captain.” The Asian cop started to explain to her what a Service Animal is and what the laws are for the animals. She walked away from him. That wasn’t good. So they went after her to talk to her. In walks Mic who is furious that the manager was acting so stupid and jumping in my face like that.

I don’t ever want to have to hit anyone. I just don’t want to have to hit anyone because I fear that if I start hitting them I'm going to leave the current situation and start pounding them for everything that the mother has ever done to me or recent events like Mic and JOB.  whle she would have deserved an ass kicking if she actually hit me, its not like I would have gotten any pleasure from it afterwards or even during. We would have protected ourselves but afterwards we might have needed to go IP. I cant hit. I can’t for fear of losing touch with the hear and now. I don’t want to take the chance that I'm going to forget why I’m fighting at that moment. I don’t want to slip for a moment and shove years of anger on someone that has no idea why I'm screaming and pounding that way.

After the police left that’s when I started shaking inside. I reached into my little med container and took a Clonapin. Captain was glued to my side. He didn’t move.

Lastly, we try and bluff our way out of a fight. With all the cursing we can do, with all the butch dressing we do we are still too much of a lady to throw down in the street. If pushed we will but as a rule, we do not fight. It’s an uncivilized way of settling matters. It’s a stupid mans way of communicating because he has no sense of reason and no other way to express emotions or convey ideas.  I do not fight. We bluff to not have to fight.