Daily Archive for June 28th, 2006

My Reply to The Doctor aka King of BR

Published on June 28, 2006 in For the Record. 5 Comments

(This person left 2 spam comments on the entry I Can’t Get Over it. His name has been trunkated to prevent further spam and to make sure my blog isn’t linked to his in search engines. He calls himself Dr so and so and then adds king of….)

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The Doctor aka King of (name removed) says: I’m a shrink, but I’m not here to provide therapy. When I’m not doing therapy, I am participating in a new form of expression I call (name removed) Here are a few original songs that folks here may find therapeutic:

Destiny says:

Dear Doctor and King of What The Hell Ever,

Clearly you were not here to provide therapy, just to sell us some songs you wrote about PTSD and some other crap. I wasn’t up to spam from a professional today. Today was the wrong day to send this crap to me. I would have overlooked it and simply deleted your comments (like I’ve already done) and moved on but nope, not today. You caught me in a vile mood.

I expect spam from idiots selling drugs or things that supposedly will make my life better but when a professional, a therapist no less, comes to a recovery journal and spams me on the basis of my disorder I find it quite offensive.

How dare you use your profession and knowledge of PTSD to target sufferers and sell them your songs at the ever so low price of 99 cents each? Who the hell do you think you are? That is unethical to the extreme. My goodness. It would have been different if your site was about therapy in some way shape or form but it’s not, it’s about buying songs that you want to sell to PTSD sufferers from Japan, the UK, Canada and everywhere else. See, I verify shit like this before I approve the comment. Dr. King of what the fuck ever, my standards are very low for comments I’ll approve. It shocks me that you, a professional, fell below the already sub-standard levels. WTF?

Don’t come here with your title and what not trying to sell anything to anybody with PTSD. This is your own agenda. I have mine, it’s to heal and not be bothered by so-called professionals that come here to sell me a product with the premise that it’ll help me. God help your clients or your former clients if they too were part of your personal agenda.

Thank you for proving that there are people in the world that can fall below the lowest standards possible. You have set a world record here. While recording this world record I was able to step aside from my PTSD issues to deal with your sorry ass. You fake therapist with a real ethics problem! I hope, oh how I hope that this does not give you PTSD. If it does I know of some songs at the low price of 99 cents that might help you “get over it.”

And let this be a lesson to all other therapists, psychologists, medical processionals and fake wannabe’s . Don’t come to me with this shit!!!

Sincerely,

Destiny in collaboration with Sundrip Journals and a proud soldier of Morton’s Pride

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Miserable Dreams – Entry To Bring In To Therapy

Published on June 28, 2006 in Dreams, Mental Health, Therapy and Therapy Assignments. 0 Comments

We were in that house we use to live in, the one from the fourth grade where she made life miserable for us. She always made it miserable but it seemed there were 2 houses that were the worst. The second house in the 4th grade where all that stuff happened in the entry about Mother’s Talk To Your daughters, this is that house in last night’s dream. In the dream we were visiting the grandmother. She needed assistance to walk so I built her a wheelchair. I had to go in that infamous downstairs billiard room to move a bunch of stuff around so she could go down there and sleep. She and my grandfather were getting a divorce and she was moving out of the top floor bedroom. The dream switched to me, as an adult, shopping in a store with the mother and my sister. I dream about that store often. It has pretty much everything a person would want to buy save a lung or a kidney. In the dream I’m usually there to buy a huge bag of dog food which they are always out of. The dream then switched to me walking down the hall of a junior high school that I use to go to. I was walking with my sister looking for a restroom. We found one and I went in to do my business. As we walked out my sister shoved me behind the door and let two people come in before we could leave. I was squeezed behind the door and kind of squealing about it. When I was set loose I realized that it was two men that came into the restroom. They were looking at us oddly. That’s when I realized that my sister tricked me and took me to the men’s restroom. I didn’t think it was funny. She tried to laugh it off and said she was just messing around but I felt tricked and that didn’t feel to good. She tried to console me by rubbing her hand on my face but I pushed her away. She tried rubbing her hand on my hand and I pushed her away and told her not to try and be sensitive NOW because it was too late.

The dream switched to me as an adult laying next to my naked mother in her bed at the 4th grade house. We were talking about my grandparents divorcing. I jokingly said that does Granddaddy realize that after all these years of marriage he’ll be lucky to be awarded his toothbrush? She laughed. He wont even have enough money to buy a new one, I added. That’s when my sister walked in the room, fully dressed like I was. My mother then said that her heart was bothering her. She laid in the middle of the bed and said she was having a heart attack. I tried to do chest compressions but my hands were not strong enough to do it. (In waking hours I have strong hands, it’s the grip that I have problems with but pushing down or up is not a problem.) I called 911 and told them she was having a heart attack. The operator didn’t believe me. She said that sometimes a mother will have a “heart attack” when her kids go off to college or when some mother-child separating event pops up. I asked, are you saying she’s faking this? She said, I wouldn’t have chosen that word but since you did, yes, she’s faking. Just then I looked over and the mother is sitting at a dinner table (which suddenly appeared in the dream) eating with my sister beside her. She said to me, I didn’t think she would believe me. I asked her if she still wanted an ambulance and she said no, she was feeling better. I rolled over and woke up.

When I opened my eyes I had this sick dreadful feeling, the feeling I get when I’ve had a dream that has touched some deep issues.

It is something of note that the sister would rub her hand on my face or arm to try and sooth me. That is what our main caretaker Adam does when we are upset. He rubs the back of his hand very softly on our cheek to sooth us. It’s quite helpful.

I didn’t think I could handle any company so I called and canceled with Sg. She was coming to dinner but today isn’t a good day for company. I have to try and get grounded and I worry that with her here I’ll be distracted but not grounded.

The things in this dream that actually happened in real life are:

  • The divorce of my grandparents on their 60th anniversary.
  • The faked heart attack and seeking help for the fake heart attack

Recurrent dream themes:

  • The house from the 4th grade.
  • The We Have Everything store.
  • Restrooms (My strongest OCD stuff has to do with the restroom and toilets.)

What I plan on doing to get grounded:

  • First and foremost I have to take some clonapin.
  • Get a cup of coffee.
  • Play Yo-Yo Ma and pet the dog.
  • Say my name, birth date, current age and that I’m an adult and the I’m save. I’ll say this OUT LOUD as often as I feel I’m slipping into a dissociative stupor.
  • I have to do ADL’s: shower, brush teeth, eat dinner, take meds, etc.
  • journal only when absolutely necessary. If my head gets too full and I’ve got to purge it that’s when I’ll journal but other than that no journaling and pretty much staying off the PC.
  • I will not be reading any of the book today.

I feel:

  • numb with an occasional bit of
  • worry
  • and a slight tingle of fear.

Destiny of Morton’s Pride
Miserable Dreams – Entry To Bring In To Therapy-Wednesday, June 28, 2006-6:08 pm

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Therapy Assignment: I Can’t Get Over It

Published on June 28, 2006 in Abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, Female Sadist, Mental Health, PTSD, Therapy and Therapy Assignments. 2 Comments Tags: , .

Therapy Assignment: I Can’t Get Over It! -Tuesday, June 28th , 2006-11:42 pm

I started reading the book my therapist gave me to read because I figured that I wasn’t getting any better or any worse with this newest bought of depression. I’m happy I started it. This entry might not make any sense to anyone else but these are just some notes for me to come back to. They said to start an I Can’t Get Over It journal but I’m just going to add a category and leave it on this journal.

Intro page 2

Quote:PTSD – A Normal Reaction to an Abnormal Amount of Stress
If you suspect that you suffer from PTSD, do not be alarmed. PTSD is an entirely normal reaction to an abnormal amount of stress. Having PTSD does not mean you are mentally ill, nor does it mean that you are weak or somehow deficient. Think of it this way: no matter how strong your leg bones, if enough force is applied, they will break. Given the proper care, they can also heal. And so can you.  End quote.

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