The People Behind My Eyes

Doc Says: July 23rd, 2006 at 12:37 pm e

Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment. Though my episode with PTSD recently was only a “tiny” one compared to those of others, I do now have a feeling for how the dreams become more realistic and how one can lose so much time during a day to “flashbacks.” (In my case it was more like depressively changing every good memory of something I had loved or enjoyed, now lost, and knew/know I’ll never have again.) I find that I am much better working with clients that have the same problems as I have had myself, but only if I have come to a satisfactory resolution of them. I understand you might want to keep your site relatively low profile, but if you would consider allowing me to place a link to you on my Space, please drop me an email to let me know it is OK. Hang in there, I’ve made it for 60 years.

Peace, Doc

Austin says:

Note: the word “you: is generic for all mental health professionals. In most cases the word “us” is a generic term for all psych patients but particularly those with DID.

What’s up Doc, (sorry, I couldnt resist)

Sure, you can add me to your links list. I started The People Behind My Eyes journal online because it would let my pdoc and my therapist have one spot where everything could be easily accessed. It also helps all of me have one place to go to see what we’ve been up to. No pieces of paper to look for, no notes that may or may not have been placed in an obvious spot for one of me to find. It’s easy. My thought was that I could have one place where I talked about the last session, post therapy assignments, medication junk and stuff like. It’s all in one convenient place for everybody on our care team, including us. Then it kind of moved to a daily journal then to a bigger ..thing.. I can’t think of another word. I wanted this blog to be available for medical students, for psych students, psychologist, psychiatrists and other mental health workers so they could see day to day life as a multiple. So, I do want my journal high profile, especially in the medical community.

As you (generic form of you) know, what a professional sees in the office is not even the smallest fraction of a fraction of what really happens in a patient’s life. “You” know this but do you ever get a glimpse into the part you never see? I want medical professionals to get a glimpse of the parts you never get to see. I want them to see the art, the music, the different faces of life and the growth that they can never really see in the office. I want them to see the good, the bad and the ugly.

Patients only trust you to a point so we don’t tell you everything, you know that too. And we can only remember so much to bring to the appointment so the rest sits in our heads spinning and erasing what was once progress or it sits as razor scars on our arms. So, yeah, I want this blog out there. I want it both to help others and me.

The funny thing is when my goals for this journal broadened I gained insight into the lives of those who treat us. I’ve seen into “your” lives and I’ve seen what you guys go through. I’ve seen on sites the day to day struggles on the job as well as in your private lives. It has given me a better understanding of you. On several sites I’ve seen the professional let their guard down, I’ve been given a glimpse into what I never see in the office.

I have never been given so many examples of how deeply some medical professionals care. This has been really positive for me, the things you say about patients, and the understanding you have of us it lets me see that you guys are not just emotionless information centers that take our co-pays. Compassion and understanding in sessions is expected and expectations aren’t always filled willingly. It’s like, well, he has to say that because I pay him to. Well, on the net I’ve seen where the professional didn’t have to be compassionate and they didn’t have to say this or that in order to get paid. This has lifted some of the layers of calices that have built up over the years in regards to pdoc’s and such.

I tell you, blogs by mental health professionals has given me a greater respect and less of a reason to justify my general lack of trust and apathetic blanket I place on ALL of you. Patients may need you but it doesn’t mean we trust you. With the journals I’ve come across I’ve been given a reason outside of therapy, outside of formalities to trust you more and to see you as willing participants in our healing process. I’ve been given a glimpse into your lives with all the struggles and such. It has been a welcome lesson and will more than likely be a lesson that moves me another step closer to healing. Thank you.

Until again,

Austin of Sundrip Journals

PS. You’re 60? For some reason I thought you were in your middle to late 30’s.