The People Behind My Eyes

Well, ya know, it’s not a secret that I was taught to fear cats. I was taught that they are devils, mystical creatures that steal a baby’s breath and lurk about looking for something or someone to deceive. It’s true, I was taught all of this. However, in my adult years I have found that cats are nothing like what I was told. They are these fury little creatures that offer so much to my daily life. I suppose that some of what they offer does not benefit me. I can deal with having to pull Gracie down from the highest point in the house. I can deal with Bella’s attitude problem and her over active sense of curiosity. Bella has exhausted all but 3 of her 9 lives in the short 10 weeks she’s been alive. If she makes it to one it’ll be a miracle.

Bella fears nothing. When she sees something she wants she doesn’t hesitate to go right for it. I can see in her eyes that she is calculating how to best pounce on prey and make the best spectacle that trumps all her other spectacles. I do not believe that for a second she thinks, hmm, will Mama be mad about me jumping INTO her cup of coffee knocking it over on scrap paper filled with scribbles and doodles? Will I be in trouble if I drag the restroom tissue all around the house and then leave a note telling her to get quilted next time because it feels better on my claws? Nope, she does not hesitate. She just goes right for it. Now, she may be fearless but she isn’t a fool. The other day she walked right underneath Captain from tail to head and snatched a pork chop right out of his bowl. She ran with it but didn’t get far because it was too big to carry for long. Captain walked right up to her to rescue his chop but she had the nerve to raise her back and spit at him. He looked at her like, “You’re kidding right?” took his chop and went back to his bowl. She did not pursue an argument because the girl is bold but she is not a fool.

She also learns hard lessons quickly. She no longer sleeps at Captain’s feet and neither does Gracie for the same reason. Captain kicks in his sleep. That poor kitty went airborne. I was like, Jiminy Cricket you should play for the Colts maybe they’ll make it to the Super Bowl in my lifetime. It only took one sneeze and Captain pretty much blew little Bella over so she tries to stay out of the way if there is some irritating odor that might cause this big mutt to spray doggie snot. Bella is not afraid of the sweeper, of thunder storms or much of anything else. One thing that caught her off guard as well as me is this whole hairball thing that Gracie does.

Someone should have told me that a hair ball is not literally a ball of dry hair that a cat spits up. I guess I pictured something along the lines of a small ball of rubberbands or a small ball of yarn…that to me is a hairball. Someone, a friend, namely Blossom should have warned me about the hacking, the body lunging forward and backward until some nasty slimy thing comes spewing forth. Captain, Bella and I stand disgusted, horrified and shocked that anything could live after something like that. She lives, but how we do not know. Someone should have warned this first generation cat lover (the first of 6 generations) that hairballs are not dry balls of hair that are left here and there and come up with the sweeper like everything else does. Help me out here now. I’m trying to dispel this whole, black people hate cats thing. I try, oh how I try but I’m not getting any support. Is there anything else I need to know?

Joan of Arc, on the wrong side of sanity

Hairballs, I should have been warned - Monday, July 24, 2006-5:02 AM