The People Behind My Eyes

Tossed Out Blessings-Saturday, July 29, 2006-10:11 PM

My stomach is in knots. I am flabbergasted that Blossom is tossing away this blessing so she can stay right where she is. It doesn’t make any sense to me at all. The hard thing is that this is the second time she’s been given this opportunity and it is the second time she is going to toss it out. Who one earth is ever chosen twice for a Section 8 Certificate worth $600 guaranteed as long as you are disabled which for her degree of Bi Polar disorder is forever. My goodness it’s sickening to watch her toss this out the window so she can stay in the slum she’s in now. What is it that she doesn’t see? She doesn’t notice that the people around her are taking and selling crack in the hallway or that she keeps having to be rescued from the elevator because it stops all the time? My goodness, has she forgotten that it’s not even been a month that the fire department pulled her out of the elevator through the safety window in it because the elevator stopped and wouldn’t open for so long? Has she forgotten the crime, the hopelessness there? Living there was so damn stressful for me that I had to leave. I couldn’t stand it any longer. But she wants to stay. It seems like they are pulling out a dead body every friggin weak. Either someone dies of old age, of an over dose or by another man’s hands but they are forever pulling a dead body out of there. The last time I was at her house there were 2 funeral notifications up there. It’s not uncommon to see that. Her friend was just found dead in his apartment. It turns out it was a drug overdose. My goodness!

Yeah, she has a great view but damn 20 floors up isn’t worth all the other crap. You have to worry about her damn next door neighbor selling crack all night and fighting with his drunken girlfriend. She has to worry about the fires that are set, the water damage from the sprinkler system, the fact that they keep moving in people straight out of prison. What part of “home” falls in between all of that? And why can’t she see that every time she walks in that building she takes chances with her safety? I tell her this but she doesn’t seem to realize that where she lives puts her in danger every second she’s there. You can’t live next door to crack heads and drug dealers and sleep soundly. My goodness! And to be on the 20^th floor and have to walk up the stairs all the time because the elevators are down is just insane. I had to do it when I lived one floor below her. But she wants to stay. She wants to pass this up AGAIN and somehow I have to not press and make her do what I know she should do. This is where I have to just let this go, take a deep breath and realize that sometimes people toss away blessings…they toss the same one twice evidently.

She tells me I think I know what’s best for her. WELL I DO! But I know that when it comes down to it this is her life (as misguided as it is) it’s her life. And I have to think, if there was something I didn’t want to do and someone else thought they knew better would I want to be pressured into it? No. So this is another thing I have to let drop. I may see the benefits clearly but hey, if she wants to stay in the crack infested slum she’s in then so be it. I’ve heard of people trying to buy these certificates. I’ve heard of them trading dignity for them because they knew for sure that it meant they would have a good amount of security with it. So when someone just simply discards it, twice, it makes everyone who would trade dignity and money for one sick, sick, sick. I happen to be number 20 thousand on the list. I’ll never see that certificate.

I wonder how much my jokes about my low standards of living have to do with the insulting toss away of Blossom’s blessing? It is an insult to everyone who would do so many “off” things to get one. It’s an insult. It doesnt make our stupid arguments any easier to take either.

Austin